Three movies rented from the video chainstore in Chicago. All three were movies that it's hip to like and all three had fatal flaws. Let's get down to business.
The Machinist (2004) - We all know Christian Bale got sooo thin for this movie by eating a diet of only apples for several months. Director Brad Anderson (Session 9) made him quit, out of fear that he would kill himself.
fatal flaws! - Wow Christian Bale got really skinny on that starvation diet, but now that I've mentioned that, what's left? Does anyone give a damn about anything else in this movie? No, it suffers from Jacob's Ladder Syndrome, Carnival of Souls Syndrome, and perhaps the highly contagious Sixth Sense Syndrome. The plot sucks. They nail the points home to make it obvious. It's a weird movie for those who don't usually get weird movies and the only reason people like it is because of Christian Bale's 'sacrifice' which is something anybody could do. No Christian Bale, no movie.
The Manson Family (2003) - Have you seen the softcore serial killer worship of Monster? While that movie glorifies a true life killer, putting a hip feminist spin on it, this movie will not win sympathetic converts with it's simulated archival footage. The Manson actor hardly has any screen time, and the other family members are shown later in life, no longer hip and sexy, but come of as miserable and full of regret.
fatal flaws! - There is a subplot where mid-90's goth kids plan a Manson inspired attack on the media and I gotta tell you, this part is embarrassing because it's lifted right out of Natural Born Killers. Jim Van Bebber has some magical stuff here with phony documentary scenes, much of it run through the computer to look like old film footage. The 90's bit is a joke and it kills the movie. They don't even get the bit about the 'Charlie Don't Surf' Manson shirt right, though perhaps this is deliberate. Sadly I owned that shirt in high school. The poser-punk-type kid who is rocking this shirt in the movie is killed by a true Manson follower who is ironically wearing another t-shirt (Kill Yr Idols) that Axl Rose made popular in videos from the same time period. Is this an accident or a comment on the coolness of the 90's crowd? I'll give Van Bebber credit and say it's the latter.
Jim Van Bebber has made some great short films for Necrophagia videos and I had higher hopes for this movie, his second feature. Roger Ebert is quoted on the cover of the box. I read his review and he had mixed feelings on recommending this movie, but in the end gave it a positive 3 out of 4 stars. Ebert discusses the morality issues behind this movie as do most reviewers, but I think this is a fuss about nothing. Compared to the power of Natural Born Killers, which is loosely based on the Starkweather killings, this movie is a non event. The family members simply lack the charisma to inspire a following, which is another reason that the 90s action sequences are weak. I feel like there was an attempt to create a buzz about this movie and Ebert and others make the movie sound more important than it is. Shit is in here just make the movie feel dangerous, but the emperor wears no clothes.
Some of the controversy surrounding The Manson Family is that it explicitly recreates real life murders from the killers perspective. Call me insensitive, but that is just not a big deal. These murders have already been closely examined in books and documentaries over and over again. The dead are practically household names in America today. It's like the death of JFK, an event in American history, an it's getting closer to being ancient history. No controversy here. None.
The Woodsman (2004) - Here is a movie that deserves more controversy as it's from the P.O.V. of a convicted pedophile.
fatal flaws! - We learn that Kevin Bacon's character was lied to about the ages of the girls he molested. They told him they were teenagers (though still under legal age) and it seems that they were somewhat cooperative when being assaulted, though this behavior is still of course very wrong. Such an angle could be use to really get into the issue of whether or not some acts of pedophelia are worse than others, but that is not so much explored. It just felt like they were making Bacon's character less of a rapist when the movie is gripping because he is supposed to be the lowest of the low.
I'm already tongue-tied, I can't even talk about molesters and should be giving the filmmakers credit for touching upon the issue, but they really ought to have tackled the issue and showed how heavy it is instead of giving Bacon's character a free pass as they seem to at the end. That's political correctness gone bezerk, much as I discussed above when mentioning Monster.
spoiler - Credit where credit is due, the scene where Bacon almost molests Robin in the park made me squirm, but the other climax where Bacon punches out a fellow pedophile is a bad idea and just seems to be in there to make us feel ok.
This shit is not ok and the movie just does not work despite having great production values and an excellent cast. My biggest disappointment among the three because of the potential.
The moral of the story, I should stick to obscure 70's movies about satanic cults and leave these supposedly meaningful indie films to you guys who think you are smart.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Christmas Evil (1980) Lewis Jackson - the true meaning of Christmas
I mentioned last post that this was playing in my town at the modern art museum for free and I could not go. Well, I did go. I took my Great Directors of Cinema final exam as quickly as I could and got from Costa Mesa to Newport Beach in record time, running only one red light. The movie was not quite half over when I got there, but that was no big deal since I'd just watched it at home less than a week ago. I was disappointed to see that movie was being projected off of the DVD. As this must-read article explains, the museum cannot project 35mm. From the director's talk after the movie we learned that all DVD releases of this movie, and probably all VHS versions, have a washed out look and do not show that this movie was filmed in especially brilliant and vibrant color. A world-renowned cinematographer from France was hired for the movie and his lighting bill alone nearly doubled the film's budget! An official DVD release under the original title You Better Watch Out will be available in October 2006. John Waters, a major fan of the movie, will be doing guest commentary. The screening I went to was in conjunction with a John Waters art exhibit and film series.
After the film screened a lot of people split right away and did not stay for the deleted scenes and director's speech, which was the main reason I was there. Director Lewis Jackson counted nine fans still remaining and said that was the story of his life and career. This movie is the only one he has ever directed (in 1980) because it scarred his reputation so badly! Amazingly, he is still behind this film and has not disowned it as many others in his position would have. How he is not a bitter and angry man, I do not know. He clearly still loves this movie and is campaigning for it till this day! Talk about never selling out!
This European DVD cover not only says "Don't Fuck with Santa!", it also shows Santa with his gun, but there are no guns in the movie!
Check this out...
1. The movie is basically famous under the Christmas Evil title, which I must say is a pretty cool title, but it does not fit with the film's general message. Lewis Jackson never wanted the title to changed from You Better Watch Out. Note: there is another title, presumably unauthorized as well, Terror in Toyland. (Note: From what he said, I, for the first time, fell guilty for watching pirated movies. You guys know I am a big advocate for low cost DVDs, but unfortunately, they are often cheep because the movie maker isn't getting paid.)
2. As I mentioned before, the versions of this movie most people have seen all have very muted color and great pain were taken to make this an extremely bright and colorful movie.
3. Lewis Jackson has not, until very recently, owned the rights to this movie. Do to the numerous versions of this movie you can find from low end DVD companies, you would think that this movie was in the public domain, but Jackson explains that this is not the case. All DVDs of this movie are bootlegs, including the one I've got in the 50 Movie Pack, Chilling Classics. The Troma edition, is slightly more legitimate as you can read in the article I linked above.
Anyway, the movie aims high and I believe it hits the mark. It's a true tale of Christmas, a story of a man standing up for what he believes in. I personally relate. Can you? How are we supposed to react after being taught to believe in something as a child, only to find out as we grow that no one can stay true to their beliefs and ideals? I'm not talking just about the belief in the magic of Santa, but am taking a deeper look at the issue, as this movie does. Childhood is simple. There is good and there is evil. When we grow we find out that it's not a good versus evil world. Grown-ups are evil and are constantly struggling to become more evil. Life is a race to shed the innocence of childhood and become as evil as possible. People are eager to shed the simplicity of their true and correct childhood beliefs and to replace these with selfish relativism..
To think that these people even go to church? It is no accident that the finest kills in Christmas Evil take place after Midnight Mass on the step of a New York City church. The scum come out of the church with cruel intentions trying to joke at Santa's expense in order to impress a female friend. Fortunately, there is a butchering.
I mentioned that I had trouble transitioning from innocent child to predatory adult. I think the shock is what triggered me to become deeply involved in militant animal rights activism. It was like a Holy War for me, like one of the Narnia books come to life. Did we not believe in the messages these books taught us when we were young. As adults you say "that's nice in principal, but let's be realistic". Adults do not follow their hearts and as a result they lose their hearts.
I believe that Christmas Evil spreads the Narnia message perhaps better than the new Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe movie does. For the record, the Narnia movie is impressive, but falls short of being a masterpiece.
Anyway, I thanked the director Lewis Jackson for coming out to this screening, which I might mention, was free of charge. During his speech he also mentioned his movie getting lumped in with Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) and other Christmas slashers, which hurt his reputation further. I guess I'm too young to understand the prejudices that the serious film community held against slashers and horror movies in general before my time. These days I think it's much easier for a horror director to cross over into the mainstream. Horror movies get more respect. Minds are less closed. I think today that it would even be possible for a director to use genre films as a stepping stone to mainstream movies kind of like how bands today use the hardcore scene to break into the world of MTV2 metal, but I digress... I have yet to see an example of this phenomenon, but bullshit horror director Uwe Bolle has got something called In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (with a LOTR running time) in the works.
Back to a director that really matters, Lewis Jackson was on his way out the door and I was in my car talking to Cub. She knew how excited I was to go to this screening and I told her how I thanked the director and even now he was just getting ready to leave, just two cars away from me. She asked me if I told him how much I liked the movie and I said I did not because I did not want to bother him further. Fortunately she persuaded me to get out of my car and do so before it was too late. I can be pretty shy around talent that I am impressed by. I have a lot of respect for this guy because, as I mentioned before, he did not sell out and turn his back on this movie even though it has never been well received. He said it took something like five screenings to initially find a single person who liked it and then of course there were all the problems in this years following that I have already mentioned. After twenty-six years the film will finally get the proper treatment with the upcoming DVD release under the correct title and from a good print. What an ordeal it must been for him!
Anyway, I don't want to ruin the plot for anyone who has not seen this movie. It can be a funny movie, even if you take it seriously, as I obviously do. Here is a cub speaks from before I went to the screening, from when we watched the movie for the first time, about a week ago.
Cub, I even strung up Christmas lights to get you in the mood for this one. Were you happy?
I loved that you put up Christmas lights in our room. It was very romantic and it totally sets the mood and creates a warm fuzzy inside. It is a cub tradition to put up Christmas lights in our room during the winter holiday season. jeez ...if only we had some soy eggnog to drink and some brandy? ..I mean we would make it virgin for you of course. I can't wait until we go to Chicago and sneak off in the middle of the night to sit under the Christmas tree at my house and tell scary bedtime stories.
Is it annoying that I only let us watch these movies during the Christmas season?
It is annoying that you have us wait to see Christmas movies until Christmas... I mean how long does a girl really need to wait just to see a damn movie (a year according to some naughty cubs).
After the film screened a lot of people split right away and did not stay for the deleted scenes and director's speech, which was the main reason I was there. Director Lewis Jackson counted nine fans still remaining and said that was the story of his life and career. This movie is the only one he has ever directed (in 1980) because it scarred his reputation so badly! Amazingly, he is still behind this film and has not disowned it as many others in his position would have. How he is not a bitter and angry man, I do not know. He clearly still loves this movie and is campaigning for it till this day! Talk about never selling out!
This European DVD cover not only says "Don't Fuck with Santa!", it also shows Santa with his gun, but there are no guns in the movie!
Check this out...
1. The movie is basically famous under the Christmas Evil title, which I must say is a pretty cool title, but it does not fit with the film's general message. Lewis Jackson never wanted the title to changed from You Better Watch Out. Note: there is another title, presumably unauthorized as well, Terror in Toyland. (Note: From what he said, I, for the first time, fell guilty for watching pirated movies. You guys know I am a big advocate for low cost DVDs, but unfortunately, they are often cheep because the movie maker isn't getting paid.)
2. As I mentioned before, the versions of this movie most people have seen all have very muted color and great pain were taken to make this an extremely bright and colorful movie.
3. Lewis Jackson has not, until very recently, owned the rights to this movie. Do to the numerous versions of this movie you can find from low end DVD companies, you would think that this movie was in the public domain, but Jackson explains that this is not the case. All DVDs of this movie are bootlegs, including the one I've got in the 50 Movie Pack, Chilling Classics. The Troma edition, is slightly more legitimate as you can read in the article I linked above.
Anyway, the movie aims high and I believe it hits the mark. It's a true tale of Christmas, a story of a man standing up for what he believes in. I personally relate. Can you? How are we supposed to react after being taught to believe in something as a child, only to find out as we grow that no one can stay true to their beliefs and ideals? I'm not talking just about the belief in the magic of Santa, but am taking a deeper look at the issue, as this movie does. Childhood is simple. There is good and there is evil. When we grow we find out that it's not a good versus evil world. Grown-ups are evil and are constantly struggling to become more evil. Life is a race to shed the innocence of childhood and become as evil as possible. People are eager to shed the simplicity of their true and correct childhood beliefs and to replace these with selfish relativism..
To think that these people even go to church? It is no accident that the finest kills in Christmas Evil take place after Midnight Mass on the step of a New York City church. The scum come out of the church with cruel intentions trying to joke at Santa's expense in order to impress a female friend. Fortunately, there is a butchering.
I mentioned that I had trouble transitioning from innocent child to predatory adult. I think the shock is what triggered me to become deeply involved in militant animal rights activism. It was like a Holy War for me, like one of the Narnia books come to life. Did we not believe in the messages these books taught us when we were young. As adults you say "that's nice in principal, but let's be realistic". Adults do not follow their hearts and as a result they lose their hearts.
I believe that Christmas Evil spreads the Narnia message perhaps better than the new Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe movie does. For the record, the Narnia movie is impressive, but falls short of being a masterpiece.
Anyway, I thanked the director Lewis Jackson for coming out to this screening, which I might mention, was free of charge. During his speech he also mentioned his movie getting lumped in with Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) and other Christmas slashers, which hurt his reputation further. I guess I'm too young to understand the prejudices that the serious film community held against slashers and horror movies in general before my time. These days I think it's much easier for a horror director to cross over into the mainstream. Horror movies get more respect. Minds are less closed. I think today that it would even be possible for a director to use genre films as a stepping stone to mainstream movies kind of like how bands today use the hardcore scene to break into the world of MTV2 metal, but I digress... I have yet to see an example of this phenomenon, but bullshit horror director Uwe Bolle has got something called In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (with a LOTR running time) in the works.
Back to a director that really matters, Lewis Jackson was on his way out the door and I was in my car talking to Cub. She knew how excited I was to go to this screening and I told her how I thanked the director and even now he was just getting ready to leave, just two cars away from me. She asked me if I told him how much I liked the movie and I said I did not because I did not want to bother him further. Fortunately she persuaded me to get out of my car and do so before it was too late. I can be pretty shy around talent that I am impressed by. I have a lot of respect for this guy because, as I mentioned before, he did not sell out and turn his back on this movie even though it has never been well received. He said it took something like five screenings to initially find a single person who liked it and then of course there were all the problems in this years following that I have already mentioned. After twenty-six years the film will finally get the proper treatment with the upcoming DVD release under the correct title and from a good print. What an ordeal it must been for him!
Anyway, I don't want to ruin the plot for anyone who has not seen this movie. It can be a funny movie, even if you take it seriously, as I obviously do. Here is a cub speaks from before I went to the screening, from when we watched the movie for the first time, about a week ago.
Cub, I even strung up Christmas lights to get you in the mood for this one. Were you happy?
I loved that you put up Christmas lights in our room. It was very romantic and it totally sets the mood and creates a warm fuzzy inside. It is a cub tradition to put up Christmas lights in our room during the winter holiday season. jeez ...if only we had some soy eggnog to drink and some brandy? ..I mean we would make it virgin for you of course. I can't wait until we go to Chicago and sneak off in the middle of the night to sit under the Christmas tree at my house and tell scary bedtime stories.
Is it annoying that I only let us watch these movies during the Christmas season?
It is annoying that you have us wait to see Christmas movies until Christmas... I mean how long does a girl really need to wait just to see a damn movie (a year according to some naughty cubs).
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Christmas in the trenches!
I'm pissed because my new favorite movie, and the next movie that I'm going to review here, Christmas Evil, is screening tomorrow for free in the town that I live in. As seen in the OC Weekly (read this!), a publication I hate, but grab many copies off to absorb the piss and poo bits that come from my pet Bun Bun.
Puppetmaster vs. Demonic Toys is coming out on DVD from Anchor Bay on 1/17/06, a little too early for next years Christmas. Really, we are lucky we this movie is being released at all. Read my review of it from last Christmas.
oh no
Last years Christmas posts...
review - To All a Good Night directed by David Hess
X-mas bedtime story - Last X-mas Down the Way - Break out the soy eggnog for this new holiday tradition!
this... I have not seen it.
The future of X-mas? Santa's Slay, trashed by bloody-disgusting.
Puppetmaster vs. Demonic Toys is coming out on DVD from Anchor Bay on 1/17/06, a little too early for next years Christmas. Really, we are lucky we this movie is being released at all. Read my review of it from last Christmas.
oh no
Last years Christmas posts...
review - To All a Good Night directed by David Hess
X-mas bedtime story - Last X-mas Down the Way - Break out the soy eggnog for this new holiday tradition!
What's next?
this... I have not seen it.
The future of X-mas? Santa's Slay, trashed by bloody-disgusting.
Monday, December 12, 2005
finally some dissonance
Larry said my video was awful. Finally someone has spoken their mind. His rock video for this band Captain Ahab is finished and I saw it. Not sure if I'm allowed to talk about it, since it has not debuted. From the Captain Ahab website: "So, the insanely awesome music video for "I Can't Believe it's Not Booty" (directed by Lawrence Klein) will be premiering at the Smell on December 29. Holy shit. I can't wait." Yes that's right, there is a premier date in downtown Los Angeles.
What's similar about my video and his? Well, two of the same stars for one, though maybe that's the end of the similarities. They both have blood, but his has more blood and then some. There is dirty stuff in this that you can't even put into horror movies. You just aren't allowed to shoot these things. I will be at the premier.
News I read from UHM:
Marebito - Wow, what a letdown. From the internet buzz this film has been gettin' I expected more, especially since it's getting a limited theatrical run December 9th here in the US. Apparently director Takashi Shimizu shot this film in a matter of 8 days, between Ju-On: The Grudge, and its US remake simply entitled The Grudge. Takashi is goin' back to his direct-to-video micro-budget route with this film, basically shooting the movie in a consumer-brand digital video cam, so it has that gritty realism/low-budget look to it. The film does prove to be creepy at times, but it's ultimately left unsatisfying.
The rest of the review is here. It convinced me not to go.
Also: Puppet Master 10 to be shot in about a year. More Puppet Master news in my next post.
What's similar about my video and his? Well, two of the same stars for one, though maybe that's the end of the similarities. They both have blood, but his has more blood and then some. There is dirty stuff in this that you can't even put into horror movies. You just aren't allowed to shoot these things. I will be at the premier.
News I read from UHM:
Marebito - Wow, what a letdown. From the internet buzz this film has been gettin' I expected more, especially since it's getting a limited theatrical run December 9th here in the US. Apparently director Takashi Shimizu shot this film in a matter of 8 days, between Ju-On: The Grudge, and its US remake simply entitled The Grudge. Takashi is goin' back to his direct-to-video micro-budget route with this film, basically shooting the movie in a consumer-brand digital video cam, so it has that gritty realism/low-budget look to it. The film does prove to be creepy at times, but it's ultimately left unsatisfying.
The rest of the review is here. It convinced me not to go.
Also: Puppet Master 10 to be shot in about a year. More Puppet Master news in my next post.
Friday, December 09, 2005
All Night Long (1992) Katsuya Matsumura
First this: Feedback for my short horror movie (on-line!) is remarkably positive. I would post some of it here, but that would bore you, besides, I think some people are lying to me. Tell me that it sucks, and I will post what you wrote.
and now the review of the Katsuya Matsumura film: This movie is the first in a series and I did not like it that much, but the next two movies, that came in the box set are supposed to be better. I guess I'll watch them, but I can't guarantee it since I don't think I've ever watched every disc that comes in a box set. All Night Long 2: Atrocity and All Night Long 3: The Final Chapter never came out in Japanese theaters, but this first movie did have a theatrical run. The fifth and six movies were straight-to-video and are still not available legitimately in the USA.
"Human beings are garbage" is the theme to this series though it may be more established more-so in the sequels. The first movie reminded me of Kids, but with, you know, murders and stuff. I'd say this movie is probably not so much an accurate view of Japanese teenagers just like Kids was not truly representative of American youth, but journalists like to point at movies and say "this is THE TRUTH, it tells us what the kids of today are going through!!" Yeah right, if all that shit in Kids really mattered the kids of this generation would still be doing it with rubbers, but safe sex is out and everyone is still alive.
I'm sure glad I got this box set wicked cheap, but once again, don't rule out numbers 2 and 3. I'd seen a bootleg tape of Atrocity around and it had some sick shots on the back, though I forget of what. I do believe that it is the tale a boy versus the homosexual gang that sexually abuses him. How strange.
Other movies: I got the rare Sergio Martino film, The Great Alligator on bootleg tape, but it was such a bad copy I could hardly see any of the night time action, which included the climax where the tourists are caught between the alligator and the angry natives. It sure looked like a bloodbath... I think? Everything I saw told me that this hidden gem ought to be available on DVD, but it is not. Fortunately Martino does not kill any animals in this movie, but they do blow up trees with bats in them, though the bats are not actually blown up. Also live animals are thrown into the water, not sure what kind, my tape was too blurry. Funny, the hero character remarks about how that is inhumane. The gator was eating dead animals I'm pretty sure. Any of this stuff is unacceptable if you ask me, but I did not support this movie with any money, keep that in mind. Let's hope that a superior bootleg version of this becomes available or just hope that whomever owns the rights to this one now is pretty far removed from the original producers. Since 1979 the movie has likely changed hands many times.
The Thirsty Dead, that's a great name for movie that is fairly average. Got the DVD from Something Weird Video. I think Cub was pretty into this movie and it had it's moments, like it's one zombie-type scene, but other the other elements are really dated. The cult leader outfits and the primitive jungle get-ups were not as cool as some of the retro fashion you see in older horror cinema. The Blood Island films and Vampire Hookers, also made in the Philippines, are much better. The best scenes in this one were shot in the real jungle versus the bulk of them show on a fake-looking cave set. I'd been waiting a long time to see The Thirsty Dead and I'm not sure why. The title, I guess.
Stuff to see: The Worst Record covers of all time! One from Exploitation Retrospect and one from Pitchfork. I've bought at least two of the records off of the Pitchfork list (Bloodrock and The Kinks) from dollar bins for their covers alone. Silly me, I thought they were two of the best album covers of all time!
I'm in full agreement with Pitchfork on most of the 90's artwork the dismiss. Pretty much anything made in the 90's with low production values does not stand up today. I like just about all the 70's record art shown. My real complaint with the Pitchfork list, too many jokes that give misinformation about the albums. For some of these stories, I want to hear straight versions.
and now the review of the Katsuya Matsumura film: This movie is the first in a series and I did not like it that much, but the next two movies, that came in the box set are supposed to be better. I guess I'll watch them, but I can't guarantee it since I don't think I've ever watched every disc that comes in a box set. All Night Long 2: Atrocity and All Night Long 3: The Final Chapter never came out in Japanese theaters, but this first movie did have a theatrical run. The fifth and six movies were straight-to-video and are still not available legitimately in the USA.
"Human beings are garbage" is the theme to this series though it may be more established more-so in the sequels. The first movie reminded me of Kids, but with, you know, murders and stuff. I'd say this movie is probably not so much an accurate view of Japanese teenagers just like Kids was not truly representative of American youth, but journalists like to point at movies and say "this is THE TRUTH, it tells us what the kids of today are going through!!" Yeah right, if all that shit in Kids really mattered the kids of this generation would still be doing it with rubbers, but safe sex is out and everyone is still alive.
I'm sure glad I got this box set wicked cheap, but once again, don't rule out numbers 2 and 3. I'd seen a bootleg tape of Atrocity around and it had some sick shots on the back, though I forget of what. I do believe that it is the tale a boy versus the homosexual gang that sexually abuses him. How strange.
Other movies: I got the rare Sergio Martino film, The Great Alligator on bootleg tape, but it was such a bad copy I could hardly see any of the night time action, which included the climax where the tourists are caught between the alligator and the angry natives. It sure looked like a bloodbath... I think? Everything I saw told me that this hidden gem ought to be available on DVD, but it is not. Fortunately Martino does not kill any animals in this movie, but they do blow up trees with bats in them, though the bats are not actually blown up. Also live animals are thrown into the water, not sure what kind, my tape was too blurry. Funny, the hero character remarks about how that is inhumane. The gator was eating dead animals I'm pretty sure. Any of this stuff is unacceptable if you ask me, but I did not support this movie with any money, keep that in mind. Let's hope that a superior bootleg version of this becomes available or just hope that whomever owns the rights to this one now is pretty far removed from the original producers. Since 1979 the movie has likely changed hands many times.
The Thirsty Dead, that's a great name for movie that is fairly average. Got the DVD from Something Weird Video. I think Cub was pretty into this movie and it had it's moments, like it's one zombie-type scene, but other the other elements are really dated. The cult leader outfits and the primitive jungle get-ups were not as cool as some of the retro fashion you see in older horror cinema. The Blood Island films and Vampire Hookers, also made in the Philippines, are much better. The best scenes in this one were shot in the real jungle versus the bulk of them show on a fake-looking cave set. I'd been waiting a long time to see The Thirsty Dead and I'm not sure why. The title, I guess.
Stuff to see: The Worst Record covers of all time! One from Exploitation Retrospect and one from Pitchfork. I've bought at least two of the records off of the Pitchfork list (Bloodrock and The Kinks) from dollar bins for their covers alone. Silly me, I thought they were two of the best album covers of all time!
I'm in full agreement with Pitchfork on most of the 90's artwork the dismiss. Pretty much anything made in the 90's with low production values does not stand up today. I like just about all the 70's record art shown. My real complaint with the Pitchfork list, too many jokes that give misinformation about the albums. For some of these stories, I want to hear straight versions.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Precursor - the horror short is online!
It's late at night and my commentary on the movie might not make a hell of a lot of sense, but the file is up and running here:
http://www.sceneholocaust.com/precursor.htm
It should be work safe for you people on lunch break. There is not a huge amount of blood it is more of a psychological horror movie. Just kidding, what the hell does that mean anyway? This is just a quick slasher. A typical bear-suit slaughterfest.
Cub Speaks? Yes Cub speaks on camera in this movie once again.
The video is roughly 5 minutes long. It's does not drag. So get with it.
http://www.sceneholocaust.com/precursor.htm
It should be work safe for you people on lunch break. There is not a huge amount of blood it is more of a psychological horror movie. Just kidding, what the hell does that mean anyway? This is just a quick slasher. A typical bear-suit slaughterfest.
Cub Speaks? Yes Cub speaks on camera in this movie once again.
The video is roughly 5 minutes long. It's does not drag. So get with it.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
the straight edge Battle Royale t-shirt. cool or lame?
I don't know, I think that there are too many ordinary Battle Royale t-shirts out there already, thought I was tempted to buy one for Cub. Not this straight edge shirt of course, she would probably die of embarrassment, and besides, she drinks. Me, I'm not tempted to buy an straight edge related paraphernalia at this point, especially while living in the Orange County with it's wack hardcore kids. Shirt available here.
straight edge? In the 90's they would have called this advertising sexist. shit was like a witch hunt back then.
Did anyone else see Battle Royale II? I doubt it. It's more controversial than the first, though not as good. I call it a reverse Saving Private Ryan with the exact opposite message as that movie and also with similar battle scenes including a storming of the beach. I'm not too wild about Saving Private Ryan's message and the way Spielberg shoves it down your throat, however I must say that the lessons Battle Royale II tries to teach are the greater of two evils and this is coming from someone who is generally against George Bush's warmongering. I won't give it away. See Battle Royale II. As far as I know there is no version of this coded for U.S. dvd players and I wonder if their ever will be. It was made in 2003 so it really should have come out here already.
My horror video is almost done. I just need to get some correct spellings for the names in the credits. I've had computer troubles throughout the editing and for the first time have found out what the limitations are when you buy the cheapest computer on the market. I'm going to write a lot more about the filming and what worked and what did not in the near future so I'll stop now. In any case, get ready for something interesting cause I'm going to put it online.
The P.S.A. that I was in part producer on, with the Halloween part and an anti-drunking-doing drugs-and driving message, was shown in a film festival. This could be the only time something I made will run in one of these things. Oh no, I don't intent to submit my little slashers to tons of festivals and pay all of their submission fees. Unfortunately I could not attend this festival since I had to act in someone else's short movie, which is made with some great equipment, so maybe that will be in a festival when it's done. I saw some of the edits and they were top notch. Anyway, the P.S.A. that screened was shot will professional TV equipment, which certainly gave it an edge over the other homemade stuff that was surely submitted. Our set resembled a Halloween party and the piece ended with the characters behind bars and being sized up by a smiling, much bigger, and older, inmate.
straight edge? In the 90's they would have called this advertising sexist. shit was like a witch hunt back then.
Did anyone else see Battle Royale II? I doubt it. It's more controversial than the first, though not as good. I call it a reverse Saving Private Ryan with the exact opposite message as that movie and also with similar battle scenes including a storming of the beach. I'm not too wild about Saving Private Ryan's message and the way Spielberg shoves it down your throat, however I must say that the lessons Battle Royale II tries to teach are the greater of two evils and this is coming from someone who is generally against George Bush's warmongering. I won't give it away. See Battle Royale II. As far as I know there is no version of this coded for U.S. dvd players and I wonder if their ever will be. It was made in 2003 so it really should have come out here already.
My horror video is almost done. I just need to get some correct spellings for the names in the credits. I've had computer troubles throughout the editing and for the first time have found out what the limitations are when you buy the cheapest computer on the market. I'm going to write a lot more about the filming and what worked and what did not in the near future so I'll stop now. In any case, get ready for something interesting cause I'm going to put it online.
The P.S.A. that I was in part producer on, with the Halloween part and an anti-drunking-doing drugs-and driving message, was shown in a film festival. This could be the only time something I made will run in one of these things. Oh no, I don't intent to submit my little slashers to tons of festivals and pay all of their submission fees. Unfortunately I could not attend this festival since I had to act in someone else's short movie, which is made with some great equipment, so maybe that will be in a festival when it's done. I saw some of the edits and they were top notch. Anyway, the P.S.A. that screened was shot will professional TV equipment, which certainly gave it an edge over the other homemade stuff that was surely submitted. Our set resembled a Halloween party and the piece ended with the characters behind bars and being sized up by a smiling, much bigger, and older, inmate.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
fuck you
I'm really pissed off. The rent is due and I'll never have enough money to pay it on my own. I'd better just pack up my shit and move to the hood. Want to live somewhere nice? Fuck you, you were born too late.
Anyway, here is a preview of the shit I am working on. It should play on it's own. There is no sound.
Victoria (in the bear suit) said she based her moves on Juon: The Grudge and Grizzly. Here are some of her projects.
The other night I had a long phone conversation about the works of Charles Band. I mentioned that his older label, Wizard Video, put out almost all good material including Driller Killer as well as some good Euro-horror. Yes, almost all good stuff with the exception of the movies directed by Tim Kincaid. Breeders (1986) was his best, but was pretty stiff. (Don't confuse it with the unrelated and even worse 1998 Paul Mathews Breeders with the 3-D box.) Mutant Hunt (1987), with it's little Wizard "too gory for the silver screen" emblem, is unwatchable shot on video crap. Worst of all is The Occultist (1987), which never came out on Wizard, but is produced by Charles Band and I found it on DVD on the Full Moon label. This movie is 'bottom ten of all time material'. It is not shot on video, but if it had been, the movie could not be any worse than it already is. There is plenty of gore, yet we have to deal with endless 24-7 voodoo rituals, preppy security agents, and bad fight choreography, that just makes for a shitty package. I don't want to get into details, but one man fights with a morning star with a skull that looks like the Corrosion of Conformity logo on the end of a chain. Also, we've got an agent with a member that turns into a machine gun, and then he zips up his fly with attitude. Stupid to the max and fortunately or unfortunately, depending on what you are looking for, the penis-maching gun shot is from the waist up only, leaving the weapon to the imagination.
Tim Kincaid directs gay porn under the name Joe Gage. For real. The Occultist was not gay though, it's aimed at straight kids.
Long Island Cannibal Massacre directed by Nathan Schiff was a joy and was made back when home made horror had to be shot on film, 1980. It's Super 8 film I believe. The DVD edition looks great and the only thing that separates this amateur movie from b-movies with a budget is that this one has some out of focus shots in it. You don't see that mistake often at the movies. Was my new video shot in sharp deep focus? I hope so, but I have not reviewed all the footage yet. In fact my computer ate the parts I'd edited all ready. Today has been shit from start to finish.
Anyway, here is a preview of the shit I am working on. It should play on it's own. There is no sound.
Victoria (in the bear suit) said she based her moves on Juon: The Grudge and Grizzly. Here are some of her projects.
The other night I had a long phone conversation about the works of Charles Band. I mentioned that his older label, Wizard Video, put out almost all good material including Driller Killer as well as some good Euro-horror. Yes, almost all good stuff with the exception of the movies directed by Tim Kincaid. Breeders (1986) was his best, but was pretty stiff. (Don't confuse it with the unrelated and even worse 1998 Paul Mathews Breeders with the 3-D box.) Mutant Hunt (1987), with it's little Wizard "too gory for the silver screen" emblem, is unwatchable shot on video crap. Worst of all is The Occultist (1987), which never came out on Wizard, but is produced by Charles Band and I found it on DVD on the Full Moon label. This movie is 'bottom ten of all time material'. It is not shot on video, but if it had been, the movie could not be any worse than it already is. There is plenty of gore, yet we have to deal with endless 24-7 voodoo rituals, preppy security agents, and bad fight choreography, that just makes for a shitty package. I don't want to get into details, but one man fights with a morning star with a skull that looks like the Corrosion of Conformity logo on the end of a chain. Also, we've got an agent with a member that turns into a machine gun, and then he zips up his fly with attitude. Stupid to the max and fortunately or unfortunately, depending on what you are looking for, the penis-maching gun shot is from the waist up only, leaving the weapon to the imagination.
Tim Kincaid directs gay porn under the name Joe Gage. For real. The Occultist was not gay though, it's aimed at straight kids.
Long Island Cannibal Massacre directed by Nathan Schiff was a joy and was made back when home made horror had to be shot on film, 1980. It's Super 8 film I believe. The DVD edition looks great and the only thing that separates this amateur movie from b-movies with a budget is that this one has some out of focus shots in it. You don't see that mistake often at the movies. Was my new video shot in sharp deep focus? I hope so, but I have not reviewed all the footage yet. In fact my computer ate the parts I'd edited all ready. Today has been shit from start to finish.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
busy killer bees
This is the busiest time of this year for me, but I will have some free time before the holidays, so expect frequent posts then.
I've shot all the footage for my next horror video and am beginning the editing. It will be shown on-line of course.
In news, the new Dario Argento movie will no be called Mother of Tears, not Third Mother.
Watched a couple of movies about college girls getting the ax. Recommended is The House on Sorority Row. Not recommended is Girl School Screamers.
Check out killingred.com for horror news.
I've shot all the footage for my next horror video and am beginning the editing. It will be shown on-line of course.
In news, the new Dario Argento movie will no be called Mother of Tears, not Third Mother.
Watched a couple of movies about college girls getting the ax. Recommended is The House on Sorority Row. Not recommended is Girl School Screamers.
Check out killingred.com for horror news.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Argento news that I don't like!
From bloody-disgusting:
At the recent Turin Film Festival, director Dario Argento and his brother/producer Claudio revealed to Fangoria that busy genre screenwriters Adam Gierasch and Jace Anderson (pictured, of 'Toolbox Murders', 'Crocodile' and the upcoming Mortuary, all for Tobe Hooper) will be writing the Third Mother script. Argento, who penned the classic first two parts of the trilogy—'Suspiria' and 'Inferno'—with former girlfriend Daria Nicolodi, reportedly wants a better chance at reaching the U.S. marketplace by using Stateside talent.
Problem: Toolbox Murders sucks and Crocodile (2000), I can't imagine anyone, anywhere, saying something good about that movie.
why I'm worried...
Here are my thoughts (one, two) on Toolbox Murders, which I found to be probably the most disappointing movie of the year.
Here is a discussion on the subject of Third Mother, but you probably should not bother with it, people are mainly do nothing but expressing their excitement that the movie is being made at all. That's not good enough for me.
At the recent Turin Film Festival, director Dario Argento and his brother/producer Claudio revealed to Fangoria that busy genre screenwriters Adam Gierasch and Jace Anderson (pictured, of 'Toolbox Murders', 'Crocodile' and the upcoming Mortuary, all for Tobe Hooper) will be writing the Third Mother script. Argento, who penned the classic first two parts of the trilogy—'Suspiria' and 'Inferno'—with former girlfriend Daria Nicolodi, reportedly wants a better chance at reaching the U.S. marketplace by using Stateside talent.
Problem: Toolbox Murders sucks and Crocodile (2000), I can't imagine anyone, anywhere, saying something good about that movie.
why I'm worried...
Here are my thoughts (one, two) on Toolbox Murders, which I found to be probably the most disappointing movie of the year.
Here is a discussion on the subject of Third Mother, but you probably should not bother with it, people are mainly do nothing but expressing their excitement that the movie is being made at all. That's not good enough for me.
Monday, November 21, 2005
The Spell (1977) no one loves a fat chick!
Though this TV movie was certainly made to cash in on the success of Carrie, it's not that similar plot wise. Rita is the fat girl in school. The opening scene, one of the best, shows the entire gym class laughing at her, calling names like 'Tub-O' and 'Moby Dick'. One of the chief name caller takes a big fall of a rope and we have our first casualty. It's pretty obvious that Rita willed this death with her psychic powers.
The Spell, directed by Lee Philips. I've got it on tape from Video Treasures, but my copy is missing the box. Apparently it looks like so.
For a while this movie focuses more on her folks and I got a little bit bored. I wanted more scenes of torment at the school. The mother, Lee Grant, is top billed in this movie. Her conversations with the husband, and pretty much all the dialogue in the movie, is way too clever and overwritten. Everybody talks in riddles and metaphors. It really got on my nerves.
The father is a real bastard. He does not have unconditional love for his difficult and less than ideal daughter. He is affectionate towards the pretty and thin daughter, played by a preteen Helen Hunt. I think it's pretty sick and bizarre when a parent prefers an attractive child over say, a fat one. We did not have this perverted dynamic in my home growing up.
On to the horror. Yup, for a while I forgot that we were watching a horror movie because we were deep in family drama territory. Then all a sudden (spoiler) a woman combusts on screen. It's pretty graphic for television, though it is unfortunately the only moment in this movie where special effects were used other than household objects flying around in the final psychic duel. No moment in the 2nd half of the movie tops this on screen death.
Other movies exist about tormented fatties and their outbursts. Criminally Insane and it's sequel, Crazy Fat Ethel 2 (a movie that I've been kicking myself for not buying the one time I saw it at a video store in Brookline) are two that come to mind.
Cub, I swear that the Dad had it coming in this movie. He was prejudiced against his own daughter. How is it that he did not die a bloody death?
I am surprised that he did not die a horrible bloody death, I must say. I was sure it was going to happen, but perhaps it's even better that it did not because at least it fooled me (oh and you) into thinking he could die at any moment. He was a jerk though, I agree.
Would you have liked to have seen more of the psychotic daughter, less of the concerned parents?
I actually liked it the way it was and seeing the girl anymore than we already did would have just made it cheesy. I liked the part where the mom was visiting her friend and she started burning up out of nowhere. That part was wicked.
"Wicked sick", you mean.
Is it really wrong for kids to torment those who are different? Don't you think it's for the best? You can't be different and make it in this world. As a psychologist, I'm sure you know where I'm coming from...
Now, cub ...you know as a psychologist in training, I can not agree with you that one should get back at those who did him or her wrong. That would surely say that one is poorly differentiated and highly reactive to what is going on. Instead I would suggest they learn better coping skills, change their cognitive distortions, seek support from those they trust, and understand that we can not change what others do or say, we can only change in how we choose to react. (That was some good therapy in a nutshell--- only free this once!)
Even if you have sympathy for these people today, admit it, you used to gang up the unpopular kids at your school, didn't you?
Actually I did not gang up on unpopular kids at school, believe it or not cub. Sure, so you think I am exaggerating to the max, but I will not try to convince you otherwise. But know that it pissed me off to the max when kids would gang up on individuals, cause I saw it as cowardly (i mean why else would they have to do it when they are only in big groups?)
The Spell, directed by Lee Philips. I've got it on tape from Video Treasures, but my copy is missing the box. Apparently it looks like so.
For a while this movie focuses more on her folks and I got a little bit bored. I wanted more scenes of torment at the school. The mother, Lee Grant, is top billed in this movie. Her conversations with the husband, and pretty much all the dialogue in the movie, is way too clever and overwritten. Everybody talks in riddles and metaphors. It really got on my nerves.
The father is a real bastard. He does not have unconditional love for his difficult and less than ideal daughter. He is affectionate towards the pretty and thin daughter, played by a preteen Helen Hunt. I think it's pretty sick and bizarre when a parent prefers an attractive child over say, a fat one. We did not have this perverted dynamic in my home growing up.
On to the horror. Yup, for a while I forgot that we were watching a horror movie because we were deep in family drama territory. Then all a sudden (spoiler) a woman combusts on screen. It's pretty graphic for television, though it is unfortunately the only moment in this movie where special effects were used other than household objects flying around in the final psychic duel. No moment in the 2nd half of the movie tops this on screen death.
Other movies exist about tormented fatties and their outbursts. Criminally Insane and it's sequel, Crazy Fat Ethel 2 (a movie that I've been kicking myself for not buying the one time I saw it at a video store in Brookline) are two that come to mind.
Cub, I swear that the Dad had it coming in this movie. He was prejudiced against his own daughter. How is it that he did not die a bloody death?
I am surprised that he did not die a horrible bloody death, I must say. I was sure it was going to happen, but perhaps it's even better that it did not because at least it fooled me (oh and you) into thinking he could die at any moment. He was a jerk though, I agree.
Would you have liked to have seen more of the psychotic daughter, less of the concerned parents?
I actually liked it the way it was and seeing the girl anymore than we already did would have just made it cheesy. I liked the part where the mom was visiting her friend and she started burning up out of nowhere. That part was wicked.
"Wicked sick", you mean.
Is it really wrong for kids to torment those who are different? Don't you think it's for the best? You can't be different and make it in this world. As a psychologist, I'm sure you know where I'm coming from...
Now, cub ...you know as a psychologist in training, I can not agree with you that one should get back at those who did him or her wrong. That would surely say that one is poorly differentiated and highly reactive to what is going on. Instead I would suggest they learn better coping skills, change their cognitive distortions, seek support from those they trust, and understand that we can not change what others do or say, we can only change in how we choose to react. (That was some good therapy in a nutshell--- only free this once!)
Even if you have sympathy for these people today, admit it, you used to gang up the unpopular kids at your school, didn't you?
Actually I did not gang up on unpopular kids at school, believe it or not cub. Sure, so you think I am exaggerating to the max, but I will not try to convince you otherwise. But know that it pissed me off to the max when kids would gang up on individuals, cause I saw it as cowardly (i mean why else would they have to do it when they are only in big groups?)
Saturday, November 19, 2005
super-shit projects!
If everyone I've got lined up to be in my video shoot next weekend shows up, I'm going to have some pretty fun shit on tape. It's the last, and perhaps only real, horror shoot of the semester. Others in my class are shooting horror too, predictably, at least one zombie movie. My movie is intended to be a killer bear/killer prowler/screaming girls type of work that I'm hoping people will get. My main worry is sound. Lights and editing don't have me very nervous at all. This video is in no way influenced by Asian horror.
Also this week, a TV production project that I'm in part producing. I'm in charge of props and secured one of the two talents, no big deal compared to my last production, a more complex project.. The set is gonna be on the shitty side, we are laying down some fabric or a table cloth for a red carpet and using some Christmas lights I bough at Target for aisle lights.
The script here is a pretty funny skit based on Siskel and Ebert type show, where two critics run down there top three movies of the year. We've got one smart critic and a bonehead critic, whose pics are Stealth, xXx: State of the Union, and Be Cool. I did not write the script, so I forget what the smart guys pics were, two indie movies I've never heard of, though the third is Oldboy which I reviewed sometime in the past year, but I can't find it in my own archives. I must have reviewed it alongside another title as sometimes I go over multiple movies in a post.
Well, snow fucking what? Right?
More tapes came in the mail today. The apartment is a sea of boxes again, well boxes and rabbit crap, thanks to Bun Bun. I get in large packages for my new job, which is interesting. It involves going out in the night and making Orange County a little bit uglier, one sign at a time. One dollar per sign, hundreds of fucking signs! Is this loser central?
I re-watched Hatchet for the Honeymoon the other night. Mario Bava is great with the hard-cut transitions, it's a beautiful movie and looked good on the mid-priced DVD from Madacy Entertainment Group. I had a really poor tape of this movie before. The DVD is a double-feature with the completely unrelated Anatomy for a Psycho, a dark black & white picture that deals with capitol punishment, revenge, and family. A much heavier movie than I expected.
Cub and I say Hatchet for the Honeymoon is one of the greatest and a must see, especially for fans of the 2000 movie, American Psycho.
Also this week, a TV production project that I'm in part producing. I'm in charge of props and secured one of the two talents, no big deal compared to my last production, a more complex project.. The set is gonna be on the shitty side, we are laying down some fabric or a table cloth for a red carpet and using some Christmas lights I bough at Target for aisle lights.
The script here is a pretty funny skit based on Siskel and Ebert type show, where two critics run down there top three movies of the year. We've got one smart critic and a bonehead critic, whose pics are Stealth, xXx: State of the Union, and Be Cool. I did not write the script, so I forget what the smart guys pics were, two indie movies I've never heard of, though the third is Oldboy which I reviewed sometime in the past year, but I can't find it in my own archives. I must have reviewed it alongside another title as sometimes I go over multiple movies in a post.
Well, snow fucking what? Right?
More tapes came in the mail today. The apartment is a sea of boxes again, well boxes and rabbit crap, thanks to Bun Bun. I get in large packages for my new job, which is interesting. It involves going out in the night and making Orange County a little bit uglier, one sign at a time. One dollar per sign, hundreds of fucking signs! Is this loser central?
I re-watched Hatchet for the Honeymoon the other night. Mario Bava is great with the hard-cut transitions, it's a beautiful movie and looked good on the mid-priced DVD from Madacy Entertainment Group. I had a really poor tape of this movie before. The DVD is a double-feature with the completely unrelated Anatomy for a Psycho, a dark black & white picture that deals with capitol punishment, revenge, and family. A much heavier movie than I expected.
Cub and I say Hatchet for the Honeymoon is one of the greatest and a must see, especially for fans of the 2000 movie, American Psycho.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
School's Out (1999) why the U.S. DVD release?
As for an explanation for the DVD release I certainly understand the economic reasons one might put it out. Buy low, sell high. That's why I want to get into horror production. As to why Fangoria would put their name on this movie, I kept wondering about that throughout the film. Fortunately as a DVD extra they provided an article on the merits of this movie, an article that kept me shaking my head in disbelief.
They compared this movie to the works of my favorite directors, Bava, Argento, and Michele Soavi, in particular of course bringing up Soavi's Stage Fright. The term, coined by the director of School's Out, 'teen giallo'. I have seen the Scream teen genre of horror combined with the giallo once before, in the French year 2000 film, Deep in the Woods. That movie actually works, and is very similar to Soavi's Stage Fright. My problem with School's Out being called a giallo. It's that I love giallos and I really hated School's Out.
directed by Robert Sigl - American and European (with sequel...) DVDs
Sure there are some 'stylish' elements to School's Out. The killers harlequin costume is undeniably interesting, the setting is good, and they try to go for some dramatic kills, but when I was watching this movie I was not thinking 'giallo influence', I was thinking 'stupid characters, stupid twist plot, boring shit'. This movie is not well written. I know the same can be said of some giallos where the resolutions sometimes don't add up, but at least they keep you entertained on the way there. The scissor killings in School's Out suck and I think the movie gets it's 'R' for dirty dialogue and not bloodshed. The language does not translate well either. At one pointed we here that the killer "rapes women with scissors" and I thought boy is this going to turn into a sicko movie, but actually scissor insertion was not what the dialogue was referring too and in fact there are no on-screen rape scenes in this movie.
In another instance a character refers to having diarrhea from drinking cheep bear, but when he gets to the shitter after a run, we see him lift the cover while facing forward and then here a puking sound. Bad translation from the German to English. The dubbing is horrendous as well, not something I mind in a 70's movie, but today, come on.
The top kill in School's Out is a kid being impaled on the nose of a stuffed sword fish. Stylish, or stupid as shit?
Apparently the director was worried when this was being made that it would bare similarities to the American movie Urban Legend that was in production at the same time. If that's not reason enough to skip this movie, I don't know what is.
I really wish I could find that Fangoria article on line for you guys, it really is funny. The good news is that this means I won't be linking to Fangoria two posts in a row. That would be a disgrace.
I'm sorry about this one honey, are you every gonna let me buy $2 DVDs at DVD Planet again?
It's ok dear I forgive you this time because you got other $2 dvds that were actually good, so I have not yet lost all hope!
Were you bored to death or what? I was not thinking Deep Red when I saw this movie, were you? Did it remind you of Urban Legend?
(spoiler) Although I must say I was bored to death, and it actually reminded me of a very bad version of Scream. With the killer being their friend in the end (I told you it would be a friend!).
Why do you have to knock the fashion of the German teens? They can't help it if they don't know how to dress American!
The fashion was terrible 90's style even though it was a 2000 movie. Come on, they could have done a lot better. I mean European fashion is great, and their fashion was SHIT. Very disappointed in the fashion department I must say!
They compared this movie to the works of my favorite directors, Bava, Argento, and Michele Soavi, in particular of course bringing up Soavi's Stage Fright. The term, coined by the director of School's Out, 'teen giallo'. I have seen the Scream teen genre of horror combined with the giallo once before, in the French year 2000 film, Deep in the Woods. That movie actually works, and is very similar to Soavi's Stage Fright. My problem with School's Out being called a giallo. It's that I love giallos and I really hated School's Out.
directed by Robert Sigl - American and European (with sequel...) DVDs
Sure there are some 'stylish' elements to School's Out. The killers harlequin costume is undeniably interesting, the setting is good, and they try to go for some dramatic kills, but when I was watching this movie I was not thinking 'giallo influence', I was thinking 'stupid characters, stupid twist plot, boring shit'. This movie is not well written. I know the same can be said of some giallos where the resolutions sometimes don't add up, but at least they keep you entertained on the way there. The scissor killings in School's Out suck and I think the movie gets it's 'R' for dirty dialogue and not bloodshed. The language does not translate well either. At one pointed we here that the killer "rapes women with scissors" and I thought boy is this going to turn into a sicko movie, but actually scissor insertion was not what the dialogue was referring too and in fact there are no on-screen rape scenes in this movie.
In another instance a character refers to having diarrhea from drinking cheep bear, but when he gets to the shitter after a run, we see him lift the cover while facing forward and then here a puking sound. Bad translation from the German to English. The dubbing is horrendous as well, not something I mind in a 70's movie, but today, come on.
The top kill in School's Out is a kid being impaled on the nose of a stuffed sword fish. Stylish, or stupid as shit?
Apparently the director was worried when this was being made that it would bare similarities to the American movie Urban Legend that was in production at the same time. If that's not reason enough to skip this movie, I don't know what is.
I really wish I could find that Fangoria article on line for you guys, it really is funny. The good news is that this means I won't be linking to Fangoria two posts in a row. That would be a disgrace.
I'm sorry about this one honey, are you every gonna let me buy $2 DVDs at DVD Planet again?
It's ok dear I forgive you this time because you got other $2 dvds that were actually good, so I have not yet lost all hope!
Were you bored to death or what? I was not thinking Deep Red when I saw this movie, were you? Did it remind you of Urban Legend?
(spoiler) Although I must say I was bored to death, and it actually reminded me of a very bad version of Scream. With the killer being their friend in the end (I told you it would be a friend!).
Why do you have to knock the fashion of the German teens? They can't help it if they don't know how to dress American!
The fashion was terrible 90's style even though it was a 2000 movie. Come on, they could have done a lot better. I mean European fashion is great, and their fashion was SHIT. Very disappointed in the fashion department I must say!
Sunday, November 13, 2005
I sold out twice...
You guys, this blog is supposed to tell it like it is and expose shit for shit cause I've got nothing to lose. I've got no wack adds, that's true, but I let two stories escape me. Shit talking stories on two of horror's major players. Why? Well, cause down the road I want to get a job and this blog is highly searchable through google, etc..., and I don't want to be blacklisted. I'm sorry. If you never read this blog again I understand.
Robert Englund has been talking up a Freddy fighting Michael Myers type of movie for some time now. I thought there was nothing to it and he was just telling stories, but now he reveals that Mirimax has actually commissioned two scripts, Freddy vs. Michael Myers and Freddy vs. Jason and Michael Myers. Interesting. Unfortunately a sequel to Strangeland is in the works.
I can't believe I putting up a link to Fangoria for the article, but I do like Robert Englund.
Robert Englund has been talking up a Freddy fighting Michael Myers type of movie for some time now. I thought there was nothing to it and he was just telling stories, but now he reveals that Mirimax has actually commissioned two scripts, Freddy vs. Michael Myers and Freddy vs. Jason and Michael Myers. Interesting. Unfortunately a sequel to Strangeland is in the works.
I can't believe I putting up a link to Fangoria for the article, but I do like Robert Englund.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Moustapha Akkad dies in terrorist bombing
You knows his name from the opening credits of every movie from the Halloween series. Beside producing every Halloween movie he produced and directed two movies about Islam, that I heard on the news, stressed that Islam is a religion the originates in Christianity and Judaism. Even on Fox News the commentator mentioned that this is unfortunately something most people refuse to learn.
The following text from this AP article about Akkad's death in Jordan.
Moustapha Akkad, the Syrian-born producer of the "Halloween" horror films, died Friday from wounds sustained in the triple hotel bombings, a hospital official said.
...Akkad's daughter, Rima Akkad Monla, 34, also died in one of Wednesday's three explosions, her mother Patricia Akkad, said Thursday.
Very grim news. Rest In Peace.
I was going to write a piece about how everyone from Democratic candidates, to Michael Moore, to Bush, to liberal Hollywood filmmakers, find opportunistic ways to demonize Arabs and Moslems, but that will wait.
Al Qaeda is responsible for the bombings. Shouldn't the U.S. have wiped them out a long time ago? I guess we were busy doing something else.
The following text from this AP article about Akkad's death in Jordan.
Moustapha Akkad, the Syrian-born producer of the "Halloween" horror films, died Friday from wounds sustained in the triple hotel bombings, a hospital official said.
...Akkad's daughter, Rima Akkad Monla, 34, also died in one of Wednesday's three explosions, her mother Patricia Akkad, said Thursday.
Very grim news. Rest In Peace.
I was going to write a piece about how everyone from Democratic candidates, to Michael Moore, to Bush, to liberal Hollywood filmmakers, find opportunistic ways to demonize Arabs and Moslems, but that will wait.
Al Qaeda is responsible for the bombings. Shouldn't the U.S. have wiped them out a long time ago? I guess we were busy doing something else.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Zombie Brigade (1986) xenophobic hate
True horror fans explore the zombie genre while false horror fans go rent Halloween sequels and Children of the Corn. Well, I'm basing that on my own experiences as a once very uneducated horror fan. The reason educated horror fans traditionally love zombies is because of their appreciation of George Romero's thinking man's series and the Fulci Italian gore-fests. Funny or fun contributions to the genre, Return of the Living Dead and Dead Alive, also help, though I'm sick to death of these.
Personally I'm not too wild about everything in the recent wave of zombie features that hit the big screen. I'm keeping score and found two out of seven of them to be good. None the less, I too am a sucker for buying up obscure zombie titles, hoping to discover something, that for some reason has gone unnoticed by the thousands, and ought to be placed in the pantheon of the greatest horror fans. I gotta realize this is not gonna happen, though I do have hope for one movie I've not seen. It sometimes goes by the title Zombie 6 or Absurd or Monster Hunter or one of three other titles, and it's a Joe D'Amato movie, though I don't think it's got the swarms of zombies that typify the genre. Zombie Brigade, is for the most part, a zombie movie in the Romero tradition and it's gone unappreciated because it's not really worth appreciating. It pains me, but it may amuse you, that I'm going to have bring you another negative review.
I get the impression that Australia was going through a xenophobic period towards the Japanese when this here movie was made. The Japanese are coming to the outback to build a theme park. Too bad, we are gonna have to blow up the town's Vietnam memorial/mass grave in order to make room for it. How do we know the Japanese business man is bad? Well he acts all polite, bowing and smiling and shaking hands, and listening to his translator, but what do we discover when he is in the privacy of his hotel room? He speaks English fluently! It's all a charade! What a scum!
The movie's only big gore spot is the scene where the WWII vet zombies, who fought Japan in their day, get to have a go against this guy, who is then a zombie himself, a zombie with a sword and samurai suit/robot outfit. I heard, over on the imdb.com, that some Australian crowds applauded at some moments in the movie and I'll bet you anything this that moment brought about the greatest response.
But I'm getting ahead of myself and confusing you all. WWII zombies? I though it was the Vietnam memorial that they blew up? Yes, there are zombie vets from Nam in this movie. They attack the town. The WWII zombies are the good guys brought back from the grave to rescue the living. Actually the Nam zombies are vampires who need to be staked. The WWII vets, in Aborigine warpaint of course, are the true zombies, but I'm getting into serious nerd territory with this explanation and I must shut up.
The production values? It's hard for me to judge what sort of film this movie was shot on due to the piss poor quality of the DVD. If it were a cheapo DVD, I'd say "so what", but this ordinarily retails for full price! I even in paid to much for it, and my copy had been price cut three times, to a quarter of the original price. Substance DVD is too blame. I've got a few of their releases on tape, Cannibal Holocaust, Pieces, and I Spit on Your Grave. What's that? You say they that those movies are available from other, more reputable, video labels? Yes, they are, which is why I've never bothered to watch any of my Substance tapes, to see what the hell is the story with those releases. Anyway, Zombie Brigade looks terrible on the disc, I've seen bundled DVD discs with four movies on a side that look sharper than this. What gives?
What the fuck is this shit? Fire the graphic design person.
This movie intends to be fairly liberal and it's even got anti-Christian elements. The ignorant priest's prayers have no effect and he dies in a scene shot for laughs.
We've got yahoo racist whites and a likable black protagonist. Hey, that's like the Romero movies! Anyway, what could unite two races better than a common enemy of a different race?! I call you my brother, now lets kick these bastards the hell out of Aussie!! Wait. That's not good. Oh shit.
Personally I'm not too wild about everything in the recent wave of zombie features that hit the big screen. I'm keeping score and found two out of seven of them to be good. None the less, I too am a sucker for buying up obscure zombie titles, hoping to discover something, that for some reason has gone unnoticed by the thousands, and ought to be placed in the pantheon of the greatest horror fans. I gotta realize this is not gonna happen, though I do have hope for one movie I've not seen. It sometimes goes by the title Zombie 6 or Absurd or Monster Hunter or one of three other titles, and it's a Joe D'Amato movie, though I don't think it's got the swarms of zombies that typify the genre. Zombie Brigade, is for the most part, a zombie movie in the Romero tradition and it's gone unappreciated because it's not really worth appreciating. It pains me, but it may amuse you, that I'm going to have bring you another negative review.
I get the impression that Australia was going through a xenophobic period towards the Japanese when this here movie was made. The Japanese are coming to the outback to build a theme park. Too bad, we are gonna have to blow up the town's Vietnam memorial/mass grave in order to make room for it. How do we know the Japanese business man is bad? Well he acts all polite, bowing and smiling and shaking hands, and listening to his translator, but what do we discover when he is in the privacy of his hotel room? He speaks English fluently! It's all a charade! What a scum!
The movie's only big gore spot is the scene where the WWII vet zombies, who fought Japan in their day, get to have a go against this guy, who is then a zombie himself, a zombie with a sword and samurai suit/robot outfit. I heard, over on the imdb.com, that some Australian crowds applauded at some moments in the movie and I'll bet you anything this that moment brought about the greatest response.
But I'm getting ahead of myself and confusing you all. WWII zombies? I though it was the Vietnam memorial that they blew up? Yes, there are zombie vets from Nam in this movie. They attack the town. The WWII zombies are the good guys brought back from the grave to rescue the living. Actually the Nam zombies are vampires who need to be staked. The WWII vets, in Aborigine warpaint of course, are the true zombies, but I'm getting into serious nerd territory with this explanation and I must shut up.
The production values? It's hard for me to judge what sort of film this movie was shot on due to the piss poor quality of the DVD. If it were a cheapo DVD, I'd say "so what", but this ordinarily retails for full price! I even in paid to much for it, and my copy had been price cut three times, to a quarter of the original price. Substance DVD is too blame. I've got a few of their releases on tape, Cannibal Holocaust, Pieces, and I Spit on Your Grave. What's that? You say they that those movies are available from other, more reputable, video labels? Yes, they are, which is why I've never bothered to watch any of my Substance tapes, to see what the hell is the story with those releases. Anyway, Zombie Brigade looks terrible on the disc, I've seen bundled DVD discs with four movies on a side that look sharper than this. What gives?
What the fuck is this shit? Fire the graphic design person.
This movie intends to be fairly liberal and it's even got anti-Christian elements. The ignorant priest's prayers have no effect and he dies in a scene shot for laughs.
We've got yahoo racist whites and a likable black protagonist. Hey, that's like the Romero movies! Anyway, what could unite two races better than a common enemy of a different race?! I call you my brother, now lets kick these bastards the hell out of Aussie!! Wait. That's not good. Oh shit.
Friday, November 04, 2005
slash or be slashed
The blog Corpse Eaters is calling it quits as the writer moves on to The House of Irony. Corpse Eaters will be missed by me.
In the last post over at Corpse Eaters I was pointed to the blog Final Girl which is delivering a ton of content, all of which is horror, most of which is reviews. It looks pretty damn good from what I can tell.
So the Vice Magazine Horror Issue has hit the internet. I assume it's the same material as the print magazine I used to pick up in LA. People would gladly drop money for this thick, glossy, not to mention, mean and nasty publication, but it's always been free. I'd been eagerly awaiting the horror issue, but it does disappoint me a little bit. Maybe if I didn't know it was coming I would not have set my hopes to high.
Horror fans get interviewed in two of the features. Usually Vice makes asses out of people by playing up to them, and getting them to let their guard down so that they say something really stupid, at least that's how it usually appears. Then the print and the picture shows up in the magazine and you pretty much laugh at these suckers. The horror crowd, definitely found at some convention somewhere, seems to get it pretty easy in that we don't look at these pages and say, "thank God Vice did not interview me". Either that, or the the things they are saying don't look dumb to me, because I'm so horror obsessed myself.
Here is a sample I picked because the guy in question is wearing an Earth Crisis t-shirt.
Here is his quote - - - Mike: Rue Morgue magazine is going to level out Fangoria soon. They are going to war, and Rue Morgue is winning. My favorite horror film is the original Village of the Damned. I obsess over it. I love all the classics. I’d even say that 80 percent of my collection is silent stuff from before 1925.
Then of course, since this is the online version of Vice, there are the user comments at the bottom of page. Words from readers who are beyond cynical and are borderline hateful.
Here is a quote about the guy above, which does not address what he said, but of course what he looks like, which is most important of all to many Vice readers. "i can't decide which dude's the bigger clown. is it the chump whose wife totes around his wings or the guy that has a fucking earth crisis shirt on?" Now I'm all for criticism, but hating Earth Crisis is sooo over. There were some reasons to hate them, sure, but it became cliché in 1997. To Vice commenters: say some things we have not heard before. Be cutting edge with your hate.
Interesting stuff there. An article about the experience of dying (sounds lame, but it's fascinating) and an article that questions how true-to-life horror gore is. Also, there is an infectious rock video, 'Do They Know it's Halloween', which will get stuck in your head after one listen. Beware of this, for the song is not that good.
In the last post over at Corpse Eaters I was pointed to the blog Final Girl which is delivering a ton of content, all of which is horror, most of which is reviews. It looks pretty damn good from what I can tell.
So the Vice Magazine Horror Issue has hit the internet. I assume it's the same material as the print magazine I used to pick up in LA. People would gladly drop money for this thick, glossy, not to mention, mean and nasty publication, but it's always been free. I'd been eagerly awaiting the horror issue, but it does disappoint me a little bit. Maybe if I didn't know it was coming I would not have set my hopes to high.
Horror fans get interviewed in two of the features. Usually Vice makes asses out of people by playing up to them, and getting them to let their guard down so that they say something really stupid, at least that's how it usually appears. Then the print and the picture shows up in the magazine and you pretty much laugh at these suckers. The horror crowd, definitely found at some convention somewhere, seems to get it pretty easy in that we don't look at these pages and say, "thank God Vice did not interview me". Either that, or the the things they are saying don't look dumb to me, because I'm so horror obsessed myself.
Here is a sample I picked because the guy in question is wearing an Earth Crisis t-shirt.
Here is his quote - - - Mike: Rue Morgue magazine is going to level out Fangoria soon. They are going to war, and Rue Morgue is winning. My favorite horror film is the original Village of the Damned. I obsess over it. I love all the classics. I’d even say that 80 percent of my collection is silent stuff from before 1925.
Then of course, since this is the online version of Vice, there are the user comments at the bottom of page. Words from readers who are beyond cynical and are borderline hateful.
Here is a quote about the guy above, which does not address what he said, but of course what he looks like, which is most important of all to many Vice readers. "i can't decide which dude's the bigger clown. is it the chump whose wife totes around his wings or the guy that has a fucking earth crisis shirt on?" Now I'm all for criticism, but hating Earth Crisis is sooo over. There were some reasons to hate them, sure, but it became cliché in 1997. To Vice commenters: say some things we have not heard before. Be cutting edge with your hate.
Interesting stuff there. An article about the experience of dying (sounds lame, but it's fascinating) and an article that questions how true-to-life horror gore is. Also, there is an infectious rock video, 'Do They Know it's Halloween', which will get stuck in your head after one listen. Beware of this, for the song is not that good.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Murdercycle (1999) F--- the 90's!
What do you get when you combine an agent with ESP, CIA need-to-know-basis guys, X-Files conspiracy theories, classic comic book references, and strange happenings in the woods? You know the results can't be good, especially filtered through the anti-90's bias that I show in many of my reviews.
Thanks, but no thanks, Charles Band...
For years, at least 2 or 3, I saw this movie in the video stores, thinking this one looked as stupid as they get and wondering what Full Moon was thinking. I was digging through the bargain bin at DVD Planet in Huntington Beach the other day and saw this new for $1.95. Curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to see how far Full Moon had strayed from their early 90's glory years. I'd seen a bunch of the stuff like The Killer Eye, Totem, and Deathbed, plus countless previews of awful, shot on digital video, shit. I guess it's just fascinating to see how the mighty, the once kings of the video store, had fallen.
Speaking of previews, there were a bunch on this DVD and Cyrptz and Delta Delta Die! looked like the kind of torture I tend to put myself through. After all, I do intend to put together some material like this shit in the near future. Can we get copies of these in the $1.95 bin please?
The movie has a conspiracy guy in it, similar to the one on X-Files who used to wear the Social Distortion t-shirts. He also bared too close of a resemblance to the quirky earthling bounty hunter from all four Critters movies. Hey, didn't they make a spin-off show about those counter culture conspiracy geeks from X-Files? Who can say? Who can remember?
As for movies with similarities to the X-Files, I never got it. For one, they were all lower budget, at least in appearance, than the show. Why throw down money to rent a product that is inferior to what is on the TV for free every week? Murdercycle can't even deliver the gore. Rated PG-13.
So the Murdercycle bleeds green. The agents and troops take a look at some small puddles of goo left behind. A conclusion is reached. That line that goes through every viewer's head, and is conspicuously absent on the screen, is an instant reminder that we've seen this scene before. "If it bleeds, we can kill it."
Check out the scene where the Murdercycle talks, that's the highlight. That scene and the one where the Murdercycle comes to be. A crashed meteor shoots out electricity from within, turning an unlucky off-roader and his bike into the Murdercycle. To be fair, the effect, done in post production, is pretty good, and works better than the rest of the movie where the Murdercycle is always shown in choppy slow motion, to add some style to what would other wise just be a guy driving a black motorcycle around the woods.
I don't want to sound like a little bitch who picks at movies that are far better than what I can produce, but during the scene where the Military Police man shows up to pick up The Sarge, it's pretty obvious that the "MP" on his helmet, was painted without a stencil.
You guys know I hate MST3K, but maybe they should have a show where a little shit head in the corner rips on all the bad genre movies that look like the syndicated television shows of the last fifteen years. Instead of the mocking the movies, like he could deliver better than their writers and their producer, he could just tell it like it is, and chirp "fuck the 90's!"
Thanks, but no thanks, Charles Band...
For years, at least 2 or 3, I saw this movie in the video stores, thinking this one looked as stupid as they get and wondering what Full Moon was thinking. I was digging through the bargain bin at DVD Planet in Huntington Beach the other day and saw this new for $1.95. Curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to see how far Full Moon had strayed from their early 90's glory years. I'd seen a bunch of the stuff like The Killer Eye, Totem, and Deathbed, plus countless previews of awful, shot on digital video, shit. I guess it's just fascinating to see how the mighty, the once kings of the video store, had fallen.
Speaking of previews, there were a bunch on this DVD and Cyrptz and Delta Delta Die! looked like the kind of torture I tend to put myself through. After all, I do intend to put together some material like this shit in the near future. Can we get copies of these in the $1.95 bin please?
The movie has a conspiracy guy in it, similar to the one on X-Files who used to wear the Social Distortion t-shirts. He also bared too close of a resemblance to the quirky earthling bounty hunter from all four Critters movies. Hey, didn't they make a spin-off show about those counter culture conspiracy geeks from X-Files? Who can say? Who can remember?
As for movies with similarities to the X-Files, I never got it. For one, they were all lower budget, at least in appearance, than the show. Why throw down money to rent a product that is inferior to what is on the TV for free every week? Murdercycle can't even deliver the gore. Rated PG-13.
So the Murdercycle bleeds green. The agents and troops take a look at some small puddles of goo left behind. A conclusion is reached. That line that goes through every viewer's head, and is conspicuously absent on the screen, is an instant reminder that we've seen this scene before. "If it bleeds, we can kill it."
Check out the scene where the Murdercycle talks, that's the highlight. That scene and the one where the Murdercycle comes to be. A crashed meteor shoots out electricity from within, turning an unlucky off-roader and his bike into the Murdercycle. To be fair, the effect, done in post production, is pretty good, and works better than the rest of the movie where the Murdercycle is always shown in choppy slow motion, to add some style to what would other wise just be a guy driving a black motorcycle around the woods.
I don't want to sound like a little bitch who picks at movies that are far better than what I can produce, but during the scene where the Military Police man shows up to pick up The Sarge, it's pretty obvious that the "MP" on his helmet, was painted without a stencil.
You guys know I hate MST3K, but maybe they should have a show where a little shit head in the corner rips on all the bad genre movies that look like the syndicated television shows of the last fifteen years. Instead of the mocking the movies, like he could deliver better than their writers and their producer, he could just tell it like it is, and chirp "fuck the 90's!"
Monday, October 31, 2005
halloween: so f'n what?!
Saw II was fairly vile and I enjoyed it, but the movie I'm really looking forward to is Eli Roth's Hostel. The preview made it look like a picture in the vein of Saw, but I expect it will be in a league of its own.
I have not been watching AMC Monsterfest this year. Same lame Halloween and Scream sequels being shown as last year. A few good Amicus movies are played when no one is awake. Couldn't they mix it up or something?
I bought a record amount of Halloween costumes, props, and decorations this year, most of it intended for use in a drunk driving PSA we are filming in my TV Production class. It was not my idea to decorate the set like a Halloween party, but I'm pretty sure that if I had not been so enthusiastic about the idea, it would have been dropped. We've got a bunch of actors coming in to play the roles and it's got me nervous. Calling lists of people is not my specialty. You all will be pleased to learn that the PSA ends with two characters in a prison cell, with the end joke being that they are going to be sodomized.
On Halloween night we are going to a vegan restaurant for their Halloween party.
I think that I am offended by people who watch horror movies only on Halloween the same way that devout Catholics are offended by those who only go to church on Easter and Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, once November starts, it's time to start watching Christmas slasher flicks once again. This year, Christmas Evil and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 are the movies I'll be checking out after having set them aside earlier in the year.
New links:
igloolounge.net - these guys put a link to this blog in their sidebar and will get one from me in return next template update. By the way, you might notice the new, user-friendly font and size change here. Anyhow, some good writing and good design over at Igloo Lounge. The content should interest a lot of my readers as well.
Hi-Def Horror - This blog talks about the future of our televisions. Hi-Def resolution and of course the 16:9 screen. The future of hi-def is uncertain because it's unknown when consumers will open up to it. When will the cutting edge nerds feel the need to replace all of their ordinary DVDs with newer hi-def DVDs? Is this just a huge swindle? You could look at it that way. Anyhow this blog is keeping up to date with the trends and discussing DVD editions of my kind of horror, Argento's Trauma and Deep Red, as well as the Tombs of the Blind Dead movies.
scareystuff.com - a newer link directory
I have not been watching AMC Monsterfest this year. Same lame Halloween and Scream sequels being shown as last year. A few good Amicus movies are played when no one is awake. Couldn't they mix it up or something?
I bought a record amount of Halloween costumes, props, and decorations this year, most of it intended for use in a drunk driving PSA we are filming in my TV Production class. It was not my idea to decorate the set like a Halloween party, but I'm pretty sure that if I had not been so enthusiastic about the idea, it would have been dropped. We've got a bunch of actors coming in to play the roles and it's got me nervous. Calling lists of people is not my specialty. You all will be pleased to learn that the PSA ends with two characters in a prison cell, with the end joke being that they are going to be sodomized.
On Halloween night we are going to a vegan restaurant for their Halloween party.
I think that I am offended by people who watch horror movies only on Halloween the same way that devout Catholics are offended by those who only go to church on Easter and Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, once November starts, it's time to start watching Christmas slasher flicks once again. This year, Christmas Evil and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 are the movies I'll be checking out after having set them aside earlier in the year.
New links:
igloolounge.net - these guys put a link to this blog in their sidebar and will get one from me in return next template update. By the way, you might notice the new, user-friendly font and size change here. Anyhow, some good writing and good design over at Igloo Lounge. The content should interest a lot of my readers as well.
Hi-Def Horror - This blog talks about the future of our televisions. Hi-Def resolution and of course the 16:9 screen. The future of hi-def is uncertain because it's unknown when consumers will open up to it. When will the cutting edge nerds feel the need to replace all of their ordinary DVDs with newer hi-def DVDs? Is this just a huge swindle? You could look at it that way. Anyhow this blog is keeping up to date with the trends and discussing DVD editions of my kind of horror, Argento's Trauma and Deep Red, as well as the Tombs of the Blind Dead movies.
scareystuff.com - a newer link directory
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Video Murders (1988) extremely poor
The imdb writes that this movie is shot on 16mm. Maybe some shots are, but I think I'm starting to know enough about the movies to recognize when one is shot on video. Every light in this movie, from a spotlights in a night shot, to sunlight, to rear car lights in the day time, is accompanied by a blurry glare the washes out everything around it. The effect is of constant soft lighting. I believe a filter could and should have fixed this problem. The problems here are almost as bad as some of the lighting problems I had in my witchfinder video, which was pretty much shot in one take with very little done on my part to make the filming conditions better than they were.
Video Murders from the now defunct Trans World Entertainment
I'd say what's odd about this movie is that it's a mix of the cheep and unprofessional and the expensive. What is expensive in this movie? A huge car chase at the end that goes on for quite some times and probably involved the use of an entire town's police department and a squad cars. A helicopter is rented as well for the final sequence. All this action comes after the first three quarters of the movie that are strictly amateur in appearance. I'm talking stuff on the level with the Tempe and Video Outlaw releases of the 90's. When the killer is video taping his prey with a camcorder I joked to my sell, that's probably one of the cameras they are using to shoot the movie. That could in fact be the case.
Some of this stuff is funny to watch though. A new romantic type of band plays in a rock club and the ridiculous looking singers hand gesture and stage presence are remarkably similar to those of The Killers' Brandon Flowers. I'm not talking about cool-looking Adam Ant stuff here, trust me, this band was hideous. The female lead has the worst hair I've seen on a girl in the movies or in real life. It's well past waist length, but the bottom of it is knotted up in a sort of bun, so that hangs like a pendulum of sorts. This character actually hits on the killer at the rock show, but is rebuffed, yet she tries and tries to get him to like her. Understand that this wanted killer is a loser to the max. He is dressed like a vagrant, is dirty, and unpleasant. How are we supposed to sympathize with a woman so insanely desperate that she goes for this guy? I've never seen a female lead portrayed as so pathetic in a film nor have I ever seen a killer come of as such as loser. In a confession speech that he makes to his camera, we learn his motives for killing. He is angry at his mother for making him move out of the house and telling him to get a job. She told him everyone would love him, but his business went under. A video business of course.
Maybe the killer being a loser is a good touch, as I suppose it reflects the embarrassing back stories behind real life serial killers, but there is no way anyone can say that writing and dialogue in Video Murders is any good. Fortunately the microphones don't pick all of it up clearly, a problem with video as I know first hand.
Worst scene: In one scene the killer demands his victim dress up in a Sunday dress and a shabby wig. Why the wig? This woman already has more hair on her head than a woolly mammoth on it's whole body. Anyway the results are gross and resemble a man in drag. Whatever gets you off...
Best scene: (spoiler!) The killer shoots himself in the head on a bridge, after making a speech to the the television camera pointed from a helicopter hovering at bridge level over the water. This scene is professional as if it were from a different caliber of movie all together, which just makes this movie stranger.
Director Jim McCullough Sr. also brought us Mountaintop Motel Massacre which has a bit of a cult following and can be found on DVD. I've got a tape of that one and in one of my unwatched boxes and will bring you a review of it someday. Don't expect a DVD release of Video Murders anytime soon.
Video Murders from the now defunct Trans World Entertainment
I'd say what's odd about this movie is that it's a mix of the cheep and unprofessional and the expensive. What is expensive in this movie? A huge car chase at the end that goes on for quite some times and probably involved the use of an entire town's police department and a squad cars. A helicopter is rented as well for the final sequence. All this action comes after the first three quarters of the movie that are strictly amateur in appearance. I'm talking stuff on the level with the Tempe and Video Outlaw releases of the 90's. When the killer is video taping his prey with a camcorder I joked to my sell, that's probably one of the cameras they are using to shoot the movie. That could in fact be the case.
Some of this stuff is funny to watch though. A new romantic type of band plays in a rock club and the ridiculous looking singers hand gesture and stage presence are remarkably similar to those of The Killers' Brandon Flowers. I'm not talking about cool-looking Adam Ant stuff here, trust me, this band was hideous. The female lead has the worst hair I've seen on a girl in the movies or in real life. It's well past waist length, but the bottom of it is knotted up in a sort of bun, so that hangs like a pendulum of sorts. This character actually hits on the killer at the rock show, but is rebuffed, yet she tries and tries to get him to like her. Understand that this wanted killer is a loser to the max. He is dressed like a vagrant, is dirty, and unpleasant. How are we supposed to sympathize with a woman so insanely desperate that she goes for this guy? I've never seen a female lead portrayed as so pathetic in a film nor have I ever seen a killer come of as such as loser. In a confession speech that he makes to his camera, we learn his motives for killing. He is angry at his mother for making him move out of the house and telling him to get a job. She told him everyone would love him, but his business went under. A video business of course.
Maybe the killer being a loser is a good touch, as I suppose it reflects the embarrassing back stories behind real life serial killers, but there is no way anyone can say that writing and dialogue in Video Murders is any good. Fortunately the microphones don't pick all of it up clearly, a problem with video as I know first hand.
Worst scene: In one scene the killer demands his victim dress up in a Sunday dress and a shabby wig. Why the wig? This woman already has more hair on her head than a woolly mammoth on it's whole body. Anyway the results are gross and resemble a man in drag. Whatever gets you off...
Best scene: (spoiler!) The killer shoots himself in the head on a bridge, after making a speech to the the television camera pointed from a helicopter hovering at bridge level over the water. This scene is professional as if it were from a different caliber of movie all together, which just makes this movie stranger.
Director Jim McCullough Sr. also brought us Mountaintop Motel Massacre which has a bit of a cult following and can be found on DVD. I've got a tape of that one and in one of my unwatched boxes and will bring you a review of it someday. Don't expect a DVD release of Video Murders anytime soon.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
wicked sick post
Thanks again to all the other blogs out there who link to here. Still, my number one referrer is buddyhead.com with their medication mp3 blog. Now, over to the left you can see a link from Technorati that says 'blogs that link here' and will show you some of the ones that do. I'm not sure how that works, it 's not complete, sorry.
Over at a website I don't frequent, ign.com, they compiled a list of the Top 10 Sickest Movies. While I recommend that you read their list and the notes at their site, lets go over them here. My personal accounts...
10. Irreversible - I've not seen the whole film, but my old roommate played for me the fire-extinguisher beating scene for me on his massive windscreen television. It did not blow my mind, to dark and fast moving for me to make out the details, or maybe I was sitting to close to the large TV.
9. Men Behind The Sun - I won't watch it because of the famous cat-killing scene that people seem to want to believe is fake. I have however seen I remake of it called Laboratory of the Devil from 1992. That movie had a scene where the arms of rotting corpses are being torn off and you can tell me a thousand times that it's special effects, I'll swear to you that it's the real deal.
8. Murder-Set-Pieces - Some say this 2004 movie is nothing, but shocks. The reviews are very bad, but weren't some of the great exploitation films of the 70's merely just an excuse to string together scenes of violence. I must see this movie.
7. Salo: 120 Days of Sodom - I went to a double feature, this movie and Santa sangre. After Santa sangre Cub and I had lost our appetite for the bizarre and for movies in general. We split. I'd heard that this movie is nothing but depravity. Recently I have become interested in seeing it.
6. Ichi The Killer - Does not belong on the list, though the shot where the opening title letters rise from a puddle of semen is very sick. To IGN.com's credit they say "As it stands, this film is often quoted as the sickest film ever, but usually only by people who haven’t seen the rest of our Top 10."
I'm of the position that the shot where the man is cut in half the long way looks awful and fails as a gore effect.
5. Guinea Pig: Flower of Flesh and Blood - They claim that this is the most notorious of the Guinea Pig movies though it is the only one I have not seen. Mermaid in a Manhole is on their honorable mentions list and I must agree, that movie is fucking gross. Picture an artist painting with the puss from the wounds of a dying mermaid. It's nastier than it sounds.
4. Cannibal Holocaust - I've mentioned this movie many times in this blog, always mentioning the issue of the animal killings. Those killings are what I think have held this movie from greatness. Even the most cynical, nihilistic, gorehounds appear to be turned off by them.
Here is a rumor about this issue that I found on the bloody-disgusting board, written by user SlasherIndex:
On the fact of the animal killings, I've read that it was of the Producer's decision and not Deodatos. In fact, the Producer is the one who shot the footage and Deodato wasn't even on the set. I think its Lenzi on Ferox who shot the animal murders and regreted it on the DVD commentary. As for Deodato, he wasnt even there. And i do believe the deaths are no different than watching something from National Geographic. Are they exploiting the process? Maybe, but it wasnt like it was glorified as in "killing animals is good", they ate the animal. This is what these people do in these tribes and have been for thousands of years. You also have to look at the meaning of this... First the filmmakers kill animals to eat them, and then they themselves are eaten. Its a moral lesson, so when it comes down to it, it proves a very powerful point with a possitive message. It wasnt meant to be just a shock film, no one spends that huge a budget to shoot a gorefest. This was shot to be a very serious film, and of course, its became very misunderstood.
As for the other cannibal movies, I would say some of them are equally as violent as Cannibal Holocaust. Cannibal Ferox, for example, but I think one cannibal movie can represent the entire genre for this list.
3. Cutting Moments - A 1997, 29 minute film from someone named Douglas Buck. I've never heard of it.
2. Aftermath - Another short film. This one by Nacho Cerdà , accused of filming the Alien Autopsy because this movie shows an ultra-realistic autopsy. I'd like to see it.
1. August Underground’s Mordum - A sequel by Fred Vogel to his original August Underground that only a few years ago were said to have been seen by less than a hundred people because the world would not be ready to handle it. I don't know, but I will find out.
Then the IGN drops a bunch of honorable mentions that pissed off everyone on the two message boards I saw feedback about this list on.
Honorable mentions: Scrapbook, DeadAlive, Visitor Q, Hellraiser 2, Mermaid in a Manhole, Nekromantik 1&2, Kichiku, Cabin Fever, Audition, Land of the Dead, Pink Flamingos
The horror movies that you've heard of on that list should not be there. Sure they are all good, but this is not a list of great timeless horror classics.
Seriously, if you think the sickest movie ever is Dead Alive or Saw or something, you've only scratched the surface. Movies can go much further.
These people (one/two), according to a message board, have seen just about all these movies on the list, which is an accomplishment for sure. Let's hope they have not lost it.
What about my honorable mentions?. I'd like to add the Hong Kong movie The Untold Story. I rented that and was watching it in a roomful of people. During a particularly brutal moment, one kid, a house guest and emo type from Wesleyan University, got up and said "I can't watch this shit!" He stormed out of the room and was not seen for the rest of the night. His girlfriend stayed and watched the rest though. He must of felt like a pussy when she did not get up to go find him until after the whole movie was over.
The other honorable mention I'd like to put forth is Buried Alive, aka Beyond the Darkness, aka Buio Omega from Joe D'Amato. People swore for years that it must have been a real corpse that is used in the scene where a body is dismembered and thrown into a bathtub of acid.
What the hell, I'll mention Splatter Farm as well. One of the Polonia brothers shits a butcher knife. There is also anal fisting, off screen, but we see the shit-smeared arms. Sorry I had to mention that... There is another noteworthy death in that movie, but I'll keep it a surprise for you guys who are trying to track a tape of that movie down.
Stay tuned, my next post will be a review of the very rare Video Murders, which is for sure one of the worst films that I've ever seen.
Over at a website I don't frequent, ign.com, they compiled a list of the Top 10 Sickest Movies. While I recommend that you read their list and the notes at their site, lets go over them here. My personal accounts...
10. Irreversible - I've not seen the whole film, but my old roommate played for me the fire-extinguisher beating scene for me on his massive windscreen television. It did not blow my mind, to dark and fast moving for me to make out the details, or maybe I was sitting to close to the large TV.
9. Men Behind The Sun - I won't watch it because of the famous cat-killing scene that people seem to want to believe is fake. I have however seen I remake of it called Laboratory of the Devil from 1992. That movie had a scene where the arms of rotting corpses are being torn off and you can tell me a thousand times that it's special effects, I'll swear to you that it's the real deal.
8. Murder-Set-Pieces - Some say this 2004 movie is nothing, but shocks. The reviews are very bad, but weren't some of the great exploitation films of the 70's merely just an excuse to string together scenes of violence. I must see this movie.
7. Salo: 120 Days of Sodom - I went to a double feature, this movie and Santa sangre. After Santa sangre Cub and I had lost our appetite for the bizarre and for movies in general. We split. I'd heard that this movie is nothing but depravity. Recently I have become interested in seeing it.
6. Ichi The Killer - Does not belong on the list, though the shot where the opening title letters rise from a puddle of semen is very sick. To IGN.com's credit they say "As it stands, this film is often quoted as the sickest film ever, but usually only by people who haven’t seen the rest of our Top 10."
I'm of the position that the shot where the man is cut in half the long way looks awful and fails as a gore effect.
5. Guinea Pig: Flower of Flesh and Blood - They claim that this is the most notorious of the Guinea Pig movies though it is the only one I have not seen. Mermaid in a Manhole is on their honorable mentions list and I must agree, that movie is fucking gross. Picture an artist painting with the puss from the wounds of a dying mermaid. It's nastier than it sounds.
4. Cannibal Holocaust - I've mentioned this movie many times in this blog, always mentioning the issue of the animal killings. Those killings are what I think have held this movie from greatness. Even the most cynical, nihilistic, gorehounds appear to be turned off by them.
Here is a rumor about this issue that I found on the bloody-disgusting board, written by user SlasherIndex:
On the fact of the animal killings, I've read that it was of the Producer's decision and not Deodatos. In fact, the Producer is the one who shot the footage and Deodato wasn't even on the set. I think its Lenzi on Ferox who shot the animal murders and regreted it on the DVD commentary. As for Deodato, he wasnt even there. And i do believe the deaths are no different than watching something from National Geographic. Are they exploiting the process? Maybe, but it wasnt like it was glorified as in "killing animals is good", they ate the animal. This is what these people do in these tribes and have been for thousands of years. You also have to look at the meaning of this... First the filmmakers kill animals to eat them, and then they themselves are eaten. Its a moral lesson, so when it comes down to it, it proves a very powerful point with a possitive message. It wasnt meant to be just a shock film, no one spends that huge a budget to shoot a gorefest. This was shot to be a very serious film, and of course, its became very misunderstood.
As for the other cannibal movies, I would say some of them are equally as violent as Cannibal Holocaust. Cannibal Ferox, for example, but I think one cannibal movie can represent the entire genre for this list.
3. Cutting Moments - A 1997, 29 minute film from someone named Douglas Buck. I've never heard of it.
2. Aftermath - Another short film. This one by Nacho Cerdà , accused of filming the Alien Autopsy because this movie shows an ultra-realistic autopsy. I'd like to see it.
1. August Underground’s Mordum - A sequel by Fred Vogel to his original August Underground that only a few years ago were said to have been seen by less than a hundred people because the world would not be ready to handle it. I don't know, but I will find out.
Then the IGN drops a bunch of honorable mentions that pissed off everyone on the two message boards I saw feedback about this list on.
Honorable mentions: Scrapbook, DeadAlive, Visitor Q, Hellraiser 2, Mermaid in a Manhole, Nekromantik 1&2, Kichiku, Cabin Fever, Audition, Land of the Dead, Pink Flamingos
The horror movies that you've heard of on that list should not be there. Sure they are all good, but this is not a list of great timeless horror classics.
Seriously, if you think the sickest movie ever is Dead Alive or Saw or something, you've only scratched the surface. Movies can go much further.
These people (one/two), according to a message board, have seen just about all these movies on the list, which is an accomplishment for sure. Let's hope they have not lost it.
What about my honorable mentions?. I'd like to add the Hong Kong movie The Untold Story. I rented that and was watching it in a roomful of people. During a particularly brutal moment, one kid, a house guest and emo type from Wesleyan University, got up and said "I can't watch this shit!" He stormed out of the room and was not seen for the rest of the night. His girlfriend stayed and watched the rest though. He must of felt like a pussy when she did not get up to go find him until after the whole movie was over.
The other honorable mention I'd like to put forth is Buried Alive, aka Beyond the Darkness, aka Buio Omega from Joe D'Amato. People swore for years that it must have been a real corpse that is used in the scene where a body is dismembered and thrown into a bathtub of acid.
What the hell, I'll mention Splatter Farm as well. One of the Polonia brothers shits a butcher knife. There is also anal fisting, off screen, but we see the shit-smeared arms. Sorry I had to mention that... There is another noteworthy death in that movie, but I'll keep it a surprise for you guys who are trying to track a tape of that movie down.
Stay tuned, my next post will be a review of the very rare Video Murders, which is for sure one of the worst films that I've ever seen.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Satan's School for Girls (1973)
First a little bit on info on who is coming to read this blog. A lot of you are horror fans, naturally. Other people come here from search google after searching terms like 'scenesters' and 'fashion' which makes sense because I cover the scenester pop culture from time to time. I even venture into political movements when they offer some entertaining or controversial ideas.
There is one keyword I'm sick of getting hits from, the term 'moshzilla'. I wrote an entry about this internet phenomenon that everyone was talking about in perhaps January or February of this year. There was a funny pic of a girl dancing at a hardcore show that was made funnier after countless kids took the image and photoshoped it onto pictures of famous events or basically anything. Things got funnier when the girl's parents threatened to sue, but today I think I can say that it is time to let moshzilla go. The joke is getting old. Hardcore kids love their inside jokes a little too much, anyone remember the 'Rick ta Life on a horse' picture or the Atom and His Package Youth of Today cover? How about the band Good Clean Fun? Yes, these are jokes that are only funny if you are a hardcore kid in the know. I'm sure this makes a lot of people feel superior and connected to a super exclusive scene, but drop this one. I should not still be getting 20 hits a day from people looking to read about what I wrote about moshzilla. That shit is dead.
Satan's School for Girls is a made for TV movie brought to you by producer Aaron Spelling who I guess has been around forever, proving today that the old will never give up their grip on popular entertainment. Did anyone see that article in Rolling Stone about a year back about who is responsible for breaking all the new rock/pop stars? Old and uncool, but very rich and powerful people are choosing for all of you which bands you should see on your MTV. They won't retire. How could they give up their money and power?
This movie is good, but not great. More info in the Cub Speaks.
Cub, internet research after watching this movie turned up two shockers. One, this movie was made four years before Suspiria. Two, this movie was remade in 2000 with Shannen Doherty staring! What do you think? (Note: the new version is not available on vhs or dvd)
I am surprised that this movie was made 4 years before Suspiria (my all-time favorite movie).
What held this movie back, because it's not an awful movie by any means, is the lack of splatter, since it was made for TV. What do you think, add some Technicolor blood and we would have a keeper?
This movie was good but I have to say that even if there was Technicolor blood, it still would not attain Suspiria superiority. It is in a league of its own. Argento is in a league of his own!
Cub, as a psychology major, how did you feel about the way the psych teacher was portrayed?
The psychology teacher was obviously portrayed in the stereotypical dull, stern, narcissistic male role of the Freudian type. But it was the 70's so I don't blame the way he was portrayed... psychologists have come a long way cub!
If the teacher had a lab full of bunnies in a maze, instead of a maze of mice or rats, you would say "set the bunnies free!", right cub? I don't think animals should be used in research, especially in the schools.
I would free the bunnies. I agree that animals should not be used in research or school settings, that is why I saved our little Buns from the torturous life of being a school bunny. (note: we adopted a bunny that a school was giving away, at first he would not let us pet him, but after improving his conditions, diet, and giving him supervised freedom and attention, he has become extremely affectionate) He loves his life with us! He gets to roam the entire apartment. I love Buns!
Once again Cub, you figured out who the villain was before I did. Good job Cub. It's always the one you least expect who turns out to be the devil.
I always know who the villain will be, cub. I am just that good!
There is one keyword I'm sick of getting hits from, the term 'moshzilla'. I wrote an entry about this internet phenomenon that everyone was talking about in perhaps January or February of this year. There was a funny pic of a girl dancing at a hardcore show that was made funnier after countless kids took the image and photoshoped it onto pictures of famous events or basically anything. Things got funnier when the girl's parents threatened to sue, but today I think I can say that it is time to let moshzilla go. The joke is getting old. Hardcore kids love their inside jokes a little too much, anyone remember the 'Rick ta Life on a horse' picture or the Atom and His Package Youth of Today cover? How about the band Good Clean Fun? Yes, these are jokes that are only funny if you are a hardcore kid in the know. I'm sure this makes a lot of people feel superior and connected to a super exclusive scene, but drop this one. I should not still be getting 20 hits a day from people looking to read about what I wrote about moshzilla. That shit is dead.
Satan's School for Girls is a made for TV movie brought to you by producer Aaron Spelling who I guess has been around forever, proving today that the old will never give up their grip on popular entertainment. Did anyone see that article in Rolling Stone about a year back about who is responsible for breaking all the new rock/pop stars? Old and uncool, but very rich and powerful people are choosing for all of you which bands you should see on your MTV. They won't retire. How could they give up their money and power?
This movie is good, but not great. More info in the Cub Speaks.
Cub, internet research after watching this movie turned up two shockers. One, this movie was made four years before Suspiria. Two, this movie was remade in 2000 with Shannen Doherty staring! What do you think? (Note: the new version is not available on vhs or dvd)
I am surprised that this movie was made 4 years before Suspiria (my all-time favorite movie).
What held this movie back, because it's not an awful movie by any means, is the lack of splatter, since it was made for TV. What do you think, add some Technicolor blood and we would have a keeper?
This movie was good but I have to say that even if there was Technicolor blood, it still would not attain Suspiria superiority. It is in a league of its own. Argento is in a league of his own!
Cub, as a psychology major, how did you feel about the way the psych teacher was portrayed?
The psychology teacher was obviously portrayed in the stereotypical dull, stern, narcissistic male role of the Freudian type. But it was the 70's so I don't blame the way he was portrayed... psychologists have come a long way cub!
If the teacher had a lab full of bunnies in a maze, instead of a maze of mice or rats, you would say "set the bunnies free!", right cub? I don't think animals should be used in research, especially in the schools.
I would free the bunnies. I agree that animals should not be used in research or school settings, that is why I saved our little Buns from the torturous life of being a school bunny. (note: we adopted a bunny that a school was giving away, at first he would not let us pet him, but after improving his conditions, diet, and giving him supervised freedom and attention, he has become extremely affectionate) He loves his life with us! He gets to roam the entire apartment. I love Buns!
Once again Cub, you figured out who the villain was before I did. Good job Cub. It's always the one you least expect who turns out to be the devil.
I always know who the villain will be, cub. I am just that good!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
a matter of bad taste: masturbation of horror
I wrote this a couple days ago and I get on the subject of bad horror soundtracks. I guess I should say that a good horror soundtrack would be the one to Devil's Rejects that uses classic rock that will not date the movie in unintentional ways as the years go by.
Coming soon, a review of Satan's School for Girls with a Cub Speaks... but for now, this:
I always like to say that most people I know have pretty unique and good taste in music, but generic bad taste in movies. Yes I'm talking about your video (ok, ok, DVD) collection! I'm a big fan of movie-to-music analogies. Your DVD shelf, translated movie by movie into albums, gives us rather ordinary results. You have Pulp Fiction and Royal Tenenbaums (Criterion Edition), that translates into Nirvana: Incesticide and Radiohead: OK Computer. Fine records I suppose, but rather ordinary and easy to come by. Your guilty pleasure DVD (so cute to have these?), Coyote Ugly, is the equivalent of one of the Lemonheads later albums. Not very cool.
I'm not being fair. I take a risk that I can't ask everyone to take. It's called 'buying blind'. You buy a DVD you've seen, know you are going to like, and are going watch multiple times. I buy something I've never seen, can't find at a rental store, and know very little about before pressing 'play'. How can I afford to do this? Practically everything I buy is used, dirt cheep, shitty quality, maybe even damaged. Even most horror fans don't buy blind. I am weird, but I estimate my horror collection to be 2000+. I have boxes and boxes of unwatched tapes and even DVDs.
Back to bad taste. I listen to shitty metal music, generic 80's thrash metal, and metallic British punk rock. It can be established that I am not a connoisseur of fine music, but I feel comfortable saying that today's metal is a big mess. It makes 90's Victory Records metalcore look pure by comparison. The shit you see on Headbanger's Ball mixes Ross Robinson rap-metal with radio rock, screamo, melodic goth metal, power metal, black metal, and of course metalcore to create one super-produced huge sound. Sure, we won't miss the jock metal and track suits, but watch out, Papa Roach have reinvented themselves by putting on eyeliner just like 18 Visions.
Sex is back and that's fine. 90's hardcore was very puritanical and the alternative rockers were too sensitive to objectify women, but now we have returned to an eighties level of excess.
That's leads us to the soundtrack (myspace page) for the promising Showtime Masters of Horror series. Mudvayne, Alkaline Trio, It Dies Today, Avenged Sevenfold... there is your proof that metal hardcore has merged with the mainstream. Look at the pictures for an Amp Magazine cover and a real tacky pinup complete with tribal graphics and a dog collar. There was at least one person with a brain who commented. "i cant wait for dario argentos episode... to be ruined by screamo and nu metal.."
"wow i just got cum on my computer from jacking off to this pic" read one commenter, asserting his questionable heterosexuality. Dudes don't know what to like unless it's got big tits and make-up. That's why they are such easy prey for cross dressing hookers with their members tucked between shaved legs.
here is one more: "she is the most beautiful women i have ever seen i always had a crush on her damn i hope one day i can meet her "
Coming soon, a review of Satan's School for Girls with a Cub Speaks... but for now, this:
I always like to say that most people I know have pretty unique and good taste in music, but generic bad taste in movies. Yes I'm talking about your video (ok, ok, DVD) collection! I'm a big fan of movie-to-music analogies. Your DVD shelf, translated movie by movie into albums, gives us rather ordinary results. You have Pulp Fiction and Royal Tenenbaums (Criterion Edition), that translates into Nirvana: Incesticide and Radiohead: OK Computer. Fine records I suppose, but rather ordinary and easy to come by. Your guilty pleasure DVD (so cute to have these?), Coyote Ugly, is the equivalent of one of the Lemonheads later albums. Not very cool.
I'm not being fair. I take a risk that I can't ask everyone to take. It's called 'buying blind'. You buy a DVD you've seen, know you are going to like, and are going watch multiple times. I buy something I've never seen, can't find at a rental store, and know very little about before pressing 'play'. How can I afford to do this? Practically everything I buy is used, dirt cheep, shitty quality, maybe even damaged. Even most horror fans don't buy blind. I am weird, but I estimate my horror collection to be 2000+. I have boxes and boxes of unwatched tapes and even DVDs.
Back to bad taste. I listen to shitty metal music, generic 80's thrash metal, and metallic British punk rock. It can be established that I am not a connoisseur of fine music, but I feel comfortable saying that today's metal is a big mess. It makes 90's Victory Records metalcore look pure by comparison. The shit you see on Headbanger's Ball mixes Ross Robinson rap-metal with radio rock, screamo, melodic goth metal, power metal, black metal, and of course metalcore to create one super-produced huge sound. Sure, we won't miss the jock metal and track suits, but watch out, Papa Roach have reinvented themselves by putting on eyeliner just like 18 Visions.
Sex is back and that's fine. 90's hardcore was very puritanical and the alternative rockers were too sensitive to objectify women, but now we have returned to an eighties level of excess.
That's leads us to the soundtrack (myspace page) for the promising Showtime Masters of Horror series. Mudvayne, Alkaline Trio, It Dies Today, Avenged Sevenfold... there is your proof that metal hardcore has merged with the mainstream. Look at the pictures for an Amp Magazine cover and a real tacky pinup complete with tribal graphics and a dog collar. There was at least one person with a brain who commented. "i cant wait for dario argentos episode... to be ruined by screamo and nu metal.."
"wow i just got cum on my computer from jacking off to this pic" read one commenter, asserting his questionable heterosexuality. Dudes don't know what to like unless it's got big tits and make-up. That's why they are such easy prey for cross dressing hookers with their members tucked between shaved legs.
here is one more: "she is the most beautiful women i have ever seen i always had a crush on her damn i hope one day i can meet her "
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
don't support their bullshit (once again)
So the new Fog sucks and nobody liked it. Yay! Well "It opened up number one!" you say. Unfortunately yes, but this blog post at about.com puts it in perspective.
With an $18 million production budget, the remake of John Carpenter's 1981 horror picture will likely be profitable for Sony, but it's no The Grudge nor even a Boogeyman. It's on par with the melted House of Wax and below what has come to be expected for a major horror movie in October. The original, considered a disappointment for Carpenter at the time after the success of Halloween, grossed $21.4 million, which would equal over $50 million today adjusted for ticket price inflation—a figure the remake will fall well short of.
A lot of people say, "well the original Fog was not that great, so I don't mind them trying to improve on it". A true point is made that this is not sacrilege on the scale of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, but I would still argue with people who make that statement. This remake culture weak and lazy. Who dares wins. The studios are conservative and know than can make an easy profit of a remake, what with nostalgia and all, but they never make history. It's horror stagnation.
I'll take a sequel over a remake any day. Dawn of the Dead, the remake, was barely ok. Land of the Dead, the sequel, was phenomenal.
Let me tell you this. I did not go out and see The Fog! That would have a total waste of time and money and insult to me easily offended brain. Supporting it is supporting stupidity in the name of horror. If you buy the DVD you do double the damage you would do seeing the movie in the theaters. You nerds don't have to buy every horror new release and then replace it with the next special or anniversary edition of the same movie that will come out down the line in the following months or years. Don't be a chump, buy a reissue of something obscure and learn something that every other douche bag studying the Firefly family history does not already know.
Think of the video selection in the stores a few years down the road. Do you want multiple copies of The Fog and Texas Chainsaw Massacre remakes taking up shelf space where classic Mario Bava and Larry Cohen films could be?
Skip the Fog, here are some random quotes from the bloody-disgusting review board:
hunter daniels: i walked out, and i never walk out of movies. it was just painful.
Firstperson i: This was the worst movie I have ever seen at the theatres! This movie has nothing at all going for it, I can't see how anyone could like this shit. We need to let hollywood know this shit needs to stop!
Jadin: The thing i don't understand is why the people who said that they dont like the movie went to go see it. I kinda knew the movie was not going to be good so I stayed home. Sometimes I think some of you guys want to complain and cause drama for the hell of it. Well I have said my piece.
That last one rings true to me. I'll still cause the drama, but I won't be supporting what I'm complaining about financially. Last year I went to too many movies in the theaters.
With an $18 million production budget, the remake of John Carpenter's 1981 horror picture will likely be profitable for Sony, but it's no The Grudge nor even a Boogeyman. It's on par with the melted House of Wax and below what has come to be expected for a major horror movie in October. The original, considered a disappointment for Carpenter at the time after the success of Halloween, grossed $21.4 million, which would equal over $50 million today adjusted for ticket price inflation—a figure the remake will fall well short of.
A lot of people say, "well the original Fog was not that great, so I don't mind them trying to improve on it". A true point is made that this is not sacrilege on the scale of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, but I would still argue with people who make that statement. This remake culture weak and lazy. Who dares wins. The studios are conservative and know than can make an easy profit of a remake, what with nostalgia and all, but they never make history. It's horror stagnation.
I'll take a sequel over a remake any day. Dawn of the Dead, the remake, was barely ok. Land of the Dead, the sequel, was phenomenal.
Let me tell you this. I did not go out and see The Fog! That would have a total waste of time and money and insult to me easily offended brain. Supporting it is supporting stupidity in the name of horror. If you buy the DVD you do double the damage you would do seeing the movie in the theaters. You nerds don't have to buy every horror new release and then replace it with the next special or anniversary edition of the same movie that will come out down the line in the following months or years. Don't be a chump, buy a reissue of something obscure and learn something that every other douche bag studying the Firefly family history does not already know.
Think of the video selection in the stores a few years down the road. Do you want multiple copies of The Fog and Texas Chainsaw Massacre remakes taking up shelf space where classic Mario Bava and Larry Cohen films could be?
Skip the Fog, here are some random quotes from the bloody-disgusting review board:
hunter daniels: i walked out, and i never walk out of movies. it was just painful.
Firstperson i: This was the worst movie I have ever seen at the theatres! This movie has nothing at all going for it, I can't see how anyone could like this shit. We need to let hollywood know this shit needs to stop!
Jadin: The thing i don't understand is why the people who said that they dont like the movie went to go see it. I kinda knew the movie was not going to be good so I stayed home. Sometimes I think some of you guys want to complain and cause drama for the hell of it. Well I have said my piece.
That last one rings true to me. I'll still cause the drama, but I won't be supporting what I'm complaining about financially. Last year I went to too many movies in the theaters.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Crystal Force (1990) total shit
It's been a little while since I posted, but last post was a video so I hope everybody watched it. You still can.
I still intend to post my review of the Exploited show. I saw the Misfits last night in Santa Ana and that was pretty fun. D.I. opened again (I reviewed the Misfits Trilogy of Terror last Halloween in Anaheim) and this time I did not sit out their set chilling in the car with Cub. I'm glad because these guys were very charismatic and catchy. I need to get all of their old records. I only have one of the new ones.
Another band that played last night was Orange, who recently signed to Hellcat Records. Just because they are only fourteen years old does not mean that I had to be impressed, the little guys sucked big time and reminded me of that annoying Australian band The Living End. The kids should all start dating Kelly Osbourne, but she would like, not be into them cause they are soooo middle school.
Some kids are ok though. About a month ago we saw a San Diego band called Wrecking Crew who were much tighter and catchier and probably all under 18. Sure it is sacrilege to use the band name of Boston hardcore legends (do an internet search guys - when choosing a name), but they did tear it up.
On to the subject of the extremely shitty Crystal Force:
Crystal Force contains the second most awful climatic sequence I have ever seen in a movie. The first would be from Blood Red Planet, made by the Polonia brothers and Jon McBride, whom I like. I've praised them at times in this blog and just yesterday or the day before that got comment on one of my older posts from an actor in Blood Red Planet. Guys, I have to say sorry, but the ending of Blood Red Planet is awful, though at least I've had fun watching it over and over. Crystal Force, I will never watch that again.
What's with this movie? It's not shot on VHS. There is a bit of a budget. The monster looks cool, if not a little rubbery. Unfortunately in every scene his appearance is enhanced by awful video effects that make him look like shit. He flickers or is only partially superimposed on the screen. In a particularly lame moment his head hovers inside a toilet bowl that is shot from directly above. It looks horribly 2-D and besides, this is not Ghoulies is it? We are supposed to be dealing with a demon here.
Crystal Force directed by Laura Keats
The final sequence involves the beast goring a whole bunch of middle-aged suburban woman, which is fine, the gore is not bad, but as I said, the monster is obscured by video effects. As the shit goes down, the human villain peers through the window and laughs. He did this a couple of times earlier in the movie as well. The shot each time is a close-up of the window, with this guy's upper body pretty much filling in 2/3 of the frame. At no time is this window shown in the context of the rest of the room with the people in it. If they showed that we would say, "hmmm, how are they not noticing that guy audibly laughing and standing about six inches away from that open window for an extended period of time".
More about the climax. For some reason most of this movie takes place in a home that is also a beauty parlor where all the yuppie woman hang out. I can see why a movie maker might set the movie in a beauty parlor. So the hero can blow up the monster with aerosol can of hairspray. It does not happen, the cans are all set up, but that plan is abandoned when we see that an ordinary spray bottle, with some blue fluid in it, can do the job on it's own. That's it really, the monster can't handle the squirts and it's not a joke or a spoof, it just a really stupid ending.
This is not some Troma movie or deliberate project to make the stupidest movie of all time. It just is total shit. What about the rest of the movie. It's just talk, talk, talk, from a bunch of older women. I feel bad for them, like they all probably thought they were making a real movie like Close Encounters Of the Third Kind or something, but really it just junk with a bunch of unappealing female masturbation scenes. Aren't these movies aimed at adolescents? You'd think they could get some younger girls so that kids could get into it. The women gossip about getting hot for Billy Idol and David Lee Roth and that is oh so scandalous and there is much giggling. Was this movie really made in the year 1990?
There are so many extraneous characters and the movie tries to deal with real themes like deaths in the family and loneliness from time to time. The filmmakers were not in touch with the horror market. At least I hope they weren't, though I know the 90's were a shitty time for horror.
And why is there a Crystal Force 2?! It's not even made by the same people. The only explanation is that a lot of people rented Crystal Force because the box looks cool and it hints at sex. I think that Crystal Force 2 is available in a very cheap four movie DVD bundle from Brentwood Video, but I'm not certain.
The Precursor is the pending title for my video class final and it's based on a speech that the human villain in Crystal Force made to his two Dobermans. He speak of some kind of ancient force that created God. No, I'm not making a Crystal Force spin-off, but it's funny how we can find inspiration is some of the lowest places.
I still intend to post my review of the Exploited show. I saw the Misfits last night in Santa Ana and that was pretty fun. D.I. opened again (I reviewed the Misfits Trilogy of Terror last Halloween in Anaheim) and this time I did not sit out their set chilling in the car with Cub. I'm glad because these guys were very charismatic and catchy. I need to get all of their old records. I only have one of the new ones.
Another band that played last night was Orange, who recently signed to Hellcat Records. Just because they are only fourteen years old does not mean that I had to be impressed, the little guys sucked big time and reminded me of that annoying Australian band The Living End. The kids should all start dating Kelly Osbourne, but she would like, not be into them cause they are soooo middle school.
Some kids are ok though. About a month ago we saw a San Diego band called Wrecking Crew who were much tighter and catchier and probably all under 18. Sure it is sacrilege to use the band name of Boston hardcore legends (do an internet search guys - when choosing a name), but they did tear it up.
On to the subject of the extremely shitty Crystal Force:
Crystal Force contains the second most awful climatic sequence I have ever seen in a movie. The first would be from Blood Red Planet, made by the Polonia brothers and Jon McBride, whom I like. I've praised them at times in this blog and just yesterday or the day before that got comment on one of my older posts from an actor in Blood Red Planet. Guys, I have to say sorry, but the ending of Blood Red Planet is awful, though at least I've had fun watching it over and over. Crystal Force, I will never watch that again.
What's with this movie? It's not shot on VHS. There is a bit of a budget. The monster looks cool, if not a little rubbery. Unfortunately in every scene his appearance is enhanced by awful video effects that make him look like shit. He flickers or is only partially superimposed on the screen. In a particularly lame moment his head hovers inside a toilet bowl that is shot from directly above. It looks horribly 2-D and besides, this is not Ghoulies is it? We are supposed to be dealing with a demon here.
Crystal Force directed by Laura Keats
The final sequence involves the beast goring a whole bunch of middle-aged suburban woman, which is fine, the gore is not bad, but as I said, the monster is obscured by video effects. As the shit goes down, the human villain peers through the window and laughs. He did this a couple of times earlier in the movie as well. The shot each time is a close-up of the window, with this guy's upper body pretty much filling in 2/3 of the frame. At no time is this window shown in the context of the rest of the room with the people in it. If they showed that we would say, "hmmm, how are they not noticing that guy audibly laughing and standing about six inches away from that open window for an extended period of time".
More about the climax. For some reason most of this movie takes place in a home that is also a beauty parlor where all the yuppie woman hang out. I can see why a movie maker might set the movie in a beauty parlor. So the hero can blow up the monster with aerosol can of hairspray. It does not happen, the cans are all set up, but that plan is abandoned when we see that an ordinary spray bottle, with some blue fluid in it, can do the job on it's own. That's it really, the monster can't handle the squirts and it's not a joke or a spoof, it just a really stupid ending.
This is not some Troma movie or deliberate project to make the stupidest movie of all time. It just is total shit. What about the rest of the movie. It's just talk, talk, talk, from a bunch of older women. I feel bad for them, like they all probably thought they were making a real movie like Close Encounters Of the Third Kind or something, but really it just junk with a bunch of unappealing female masturbation scenes. Aren't these movies aimed at adolescents? You'd think they could get some younger girls so that kids could get into it. The women gossip about getting hot for Billy Idol and David Lee Roth and that is oh so scandalous and there is much giggling. Was this movie really made in the year 1990?
There are so many extraneous characters and the movie tries to deal with real themes like deaths in the family and loneliness from time to time. The filmmakers were not in touch with the horror market. At least I hope they weren't, though I know the 90's were a shitty time for horror.
And why is there a Crystal Force 2?! It's not even made by the same people. The only explanation is that a lot of people rented Crystal Force because the box looks cool and it hints at sex. I think that Crystal Force 2 is available in a very cheap four movie DVD bundle from Brentwood Video, but I'm not certain.
The Precursor is the pending title for my video class final and it's based on a speech that the human villain in Crystal Force made to his two Dobermans. He speak of some kind of ancient force that created God. No, I'm not making a Crystal Force spin-off, but it's funny how we can find inspiration is some of the lowest places.
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