Coming soon, a review of Satan's School for Girls with a Cub Speaks... but for now, this:
I always like to say that most people I know have pretty unique and good taste in music, but generic bad taste in movies. Yes I'm talking about your video (ok, ok, DVD) collection! I'm a big fan of movie-to-music analogies. Your DVD shelf, translated movie by movie into albums, gives us rather ordinary results. You have Pulp Fiction and Royal Tenenbaums (Criterion Edition), that translates into Nirvana: Incesticide and Radiohead: OK Computer. Fine records I suppose, but rather ordinary and easy to come by. Your guilty pleasure DVD (so cute to have these?), Coyote Ugly, is the equivalent of one of the Lemonheads later albums. Not very cool.
I'm not being fair. I take a risk that I can't ask everyone to take. It's called 'buying blind'. You buy a DVD you've seen, know you are going to like, and are going watch multiple times. I buy something I've never seen, can't find at a rental store, and know very little about before pressing 'play'. How can I afford to do this? Practically everything I buy is used, dirt cheep, shitty quality, maybe even damaged. Even most horror fans don't buy blind. I am weird, but I estimate my horror collection to be 2000+. I have boxes and boxes of unwatched tapes and even DVDs.
Back to bad taste. I listen to shitty metal music, generic 80's thrash metal, and metallic British punk rock. It can be established that I am not a connoisseur of fine music, but I feel comfortable saying that today's metal is a big mess. It makes 90's Victory Records metalcore look pure by comparison. The shit you see on Headbanger's Ball mixes Ross Robinson rap-metal with radio rock, screamo, melodic goth metal, power metal, black metal, and of course metalcore to create one super-produced huge sound. Sure, we won't miss the jock metal and track suits, but watch out, Papa Roach have reinvented themselves by putting on eyeliner just like 18 Visions.
Sex is back and that's fine. 90's hardcore was very puritanical and the alternative rockers were too sensitive to objectify women, but now we have returned to an eighties level of excess.
That's leads us to the soundtrack (myspace page) for the promising Showtime Masters of Horror series. Mudvayne, Alkaline Trio, It Dies Today, Avenged Sevenfold... there is your proof that metal hardcore has merged with the mainstream. Look at the pictures for an Amp Magazine cover and a real tacky pinup complete with tribal graphics and a dog collar. There was at least one person with a brain who commented. "i cant wait for dario argentos episode... to be ruined by screamo and nu metal.."
"wow i just got cum on my computer from jacking off to this pic" read one commenter, asserting his questionable heterosexuality. Dudes don't know what to like unless it's got big tits and make-up. That's why they are such easy prey for cross dressing hookers with their members tucked between shaved legs.
here is one more: "she is the most beautiful women i have ever seen i always had a crush on her damn i hope one day i can meet her "
1 comment:
Have you seen this girl's (Juliya) show on Fuse before? I really, really hope you have, because it's incredible to watch the real metal bands that she interviews make fun of her to her face without her knowing. She also says "fucking" in every other sentence, but she says it like a 12 year old does - like she is trying to impress. I just watched her cover Ozzfest (which actually had a few impressive underground metal bands on it) and she dryhumped two dudes in As The Dying Break Blue or whatever the fuck the band was called.
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