see... this here review says the same stuff as mine on the subject of the new Black Christmas

I just found this review, it mentions the problems I had with the remake in a much more eloquent way.

"There are so many artistic miscalculations in the new "Christmas" that it would take until the new year to list all of them in detail."

Yup, and continuity errors too.

"Because the focus is entirely on Billy, there's no room for sorority characterizations. These actresses are barely distinguishable from each other (a common trait of today's new wave of youthful talent), and the filmmakers don't help matters by adding more and more characters to the mix."

Yup, clones...

"The remake also turns up the dial on the bloodletting, again for reasons that scream incompetence. Eyes are gouged, heads are used as ornaments on Billy's tree, and icicles, candy canes, and glass unicorns (one of the few references to the Clark film) pierce the flesh like a hot knife through butter."

Told you, totally fake...

Black Christmas the remake - whatever - you already know it blows

Is it even worth getting into detail about how the Black Christmas remake is one of the worst movies of the year? I could cite examples forever. Forever... so I won't, I'll just touch on a few things.

It's complete crap. Bob Clark said he trusted the new filmmakers with his story and would wait until Christmas Day to see the film (my article). I cannot imagine him watching this movie and not being disappointed and extremely let down.

You know, this stuff really isn't funny to me. You can't use a cookie cutter to rip chunks of flesh out of someone's back. You can't stab someone in the neck with a candy cane. It's just goofy looking. Sure the movie does not skimp on gore, but when the violence is all so novel, it's not shocking, it's cheap comedy. Any group of high school horror fans sitting around a cafeteria table and brainstorming about "cool kills" could have written this.

There are no black people in this movie and no minorities. This sounds like I'm kidding, but I'm serious. The crowd was full of black people. Why are they not represented on screen? All of the white girls, the sorority girls, looked the same. Maybe that's the point, but when your audience can't tell one character from another, I swear I could not, then you get a frustrated, disinterested, audience.

This movie is very similar to See No Evil from earlier in the year, but Black Christmas falls flatter on it's own face. I really don't feel like writing about this movie anymore - there is enough stuff about it on the net already - I just wanted to throw in my own little "I hate it too" for the record.

The most interesting thing about this night at the theater was the crowd reaction to the Blood and Chocolate trailer- I just wrote about that in my last post.

I'd also like to say the Chinese Theater is selling movie posters in the lobby which I find extremely tacky. I can understand employees taking them home to sell on ebay, but the theater itself selling goods it got for free and previously used for display - I don't like it. No the posters are not sold in stores, but that does not mean they have any value, at least not at this point. There are thousands of them out there.

audiences laughing their asses off when title "Blood and Chocolate" hits the screen during preview

"People were mostly silent during the trailer, but when the title was announced, EVERYBODY LAUGHED! In fact, they laughed so hard it lasted into the beginning of Rocky! Thirty minutes later people were still repeating the title with a giggle. I can smell a dud."

So reads one of about 1000 identical posts on the imdb message boards.

Blood and Chocolate fans are quick to retaliate.

"sonds like you need to read more... the title is meant to be poetic... the fact that aiden is her chocolate that simple pelasure and blood, her pack she must choose .. "

"The title is a METAPHOR!!!
Holy Christ. It's a GOOD title.
Uneducated monkey's."

"I must agree with Litwolf. Some people have no understanding of metaphors at all. Ah, such is the generation I am part of. . ."

"sonds like you need to read more... the title is meant to be poetic..."

"wow, you people are seriously immature if that made you laugh. read the book and get a clue the next time, kay?"

One B+C fanatic offers what attempts to be a face-saving theory, only jocks laugh at the Blood and Chocolate title:

"i saw black christmas and did not witness any laughter .. perhaps there was only mockery in the Rocky theatres for those viewers there might have more of a close minded view and not have a taste for literature or the science fiction plots... "

Not so my friend. I saw Black Christmas - a horror film - at the Chinese Theater on Christmas Day, the crowd reaction to the film during the action scenes was nonexistent. Then the title popped-up, tons of laughter just like described by Rocky-film goers in these imdb posts. For the record, I laughed myself...

Yet the battle between Rocky fans and B&C fans like WitchyWoman86 rages on - here is one of a million threads.

I'll quote from that particular bit of online dialogue - here is the Rocky supporter: "I love Rocky and I laughed at the title of this dumb movie. :-) Because Rocky is better and cooler then that series EVER will. He has lasted for decades and decades. I doubt your stupid movie will. Ivan Drago is more scary and cool then those "evil characters".

Rocky could also totally kick all those emo teen vampire, wolf people's asses...I can totally hear him saying this if ever confronted by those characters...

'Yo! I think you need to go back to Hot Topic or I'm gonna give ya somethin' to go cry on ya blog about later!'"

So what do I think. I think people should be laughing. It's not the title that sucks, it's everything else we see in the preview. I'm all for "poetic" shit, high concept junk, I love metaphors, but after watching a couple of minutes of teeny bopper garbage and then having that cerebral title drop on the screen, the absurdity is obvious. You can't give such a stupid looking production a brainy title like Blood & Chocolate. The fans imply that the detractors are stupid, that they need to "read more", but they should step back and look at what they are defending. The book may be sophisticated, it could be great "literature", but the movie is pure cheese that rips off an already crappy horror chick flick called Underworld. It's got bad effects. It is a PG-13 movie. It is aimed at children, and children are not gonna get this title so Blood and Chocolate is in trouble. Big mistake on the part of the movie-makers, the book is not famous enough for the title to carry over into the mainstream consciousness. The producers are up shit's creek. They should have done some research and may have a minor disaster on their hands.

the horror screening on Christmas Eve...

So we got out there and the guy at the theater was being cryptic. There would be a screening, but it would be later, much later. Damn, not sure if he was telling us to get lost or not. Are we not part of this underground free screening scene? The theater guy was the Movie Geek from Beat the Geeks, I mean he literally was that guy. So we left to kill time.

CVS was open on Christmas Eve. I browsed through SPIN to find that in Guantanamo Bay they torture detainees by playing rap metal music and an audio book of Ben Stiller and Jenine Gerafalo speaking, this stuff blasted at high volumes of course. I learned nothing from the article, except that an audio book of Ben Stiller and Jenine Gerafalo exists, unless the soldier was joking and the writer did not do his homework to find out if he was being taken for a ride.

Went back to the theater too soon. There is no where worse to be on Christmas Eve than hanging out in a closed video store (it's adjacent to the theater) with a bunch of other movie nerds. I was in hell. Then came the karaoke played over the stores video setup. "My Ding-a-Ling", some Journey song, man, it was like Guantanamo Bay. Is this shit funny to you?

About two hours later everyone entered the move theater, a nice theater. Beat the Geeks gave a lecture. Despite much controversy upon its release Silent Night, Deadly Night is not the first Santa-suit killer film. Before this there was Tales from the Crypt and Christmas Evil. "Wait, this is before Tales from the Crypt?" asked one extremely baffled audience member who should have kept his mouth shut. Beat the Geeks looked disgusted and other audience members were starting to grumble. It was not the HBO Tales from the Crypt being discussed. "I'm talking about the 1972 Tales from the Crypt", Beat the Geeks said, referring to a the Amicus Studios horror anthology. Ouch, this audience member had been brutally chastised in front of all. Good. You might think I'm not for such snobbish douchebagery, but in the case of a know-it-all getting embarrassed, well I was happy to see it happen. At least Beat the Geeks has the knowledge to back up his neediness. Others in the crowd, just ugly fucks with no real value.

Beat the Geeks had more to say. This was a Quentin Tarantino owned print of Silent Night, Deadly Night. Then came a story. The director of Silent Night, Deadly Night 3, a truly boring film by the way, used the money he made to be a producer on Reservoir Dogs. Without him, Tarantino would never have got his start. Without Silent Night, Deadly Night, there would have been no Silent Night, Deadly Night 3. What was Beat the Geeks was getting at? "Without Silent Night, Deadly Night, there would be no postmodern cinema".

The crowd cheered. Then one guy went "wait.... boooooooo!"

"You are just being post-post-modern" said Beat the Geeks.

A strange series of video montages played before the film. These were made up of clips from Christmas movies and cartoons, including two clips from Elves (1990), including the clip where a Santa doing cocaine is murder by the Elf. Boy did Elves look cheaper than I remembered it. Tagline: "They're not working for Santa... Anymore".

So I go to a lot of screenings including screenings with lots of drunks, but never have I heard less funny drunks yelling at the screen than last night. Dear nerds: I especially do not appreciate the use of a laser pointer to accentuate your commentary. A word on the only hot chick seen at the show that night. Why do you date the king of the nerds - the loudest fuckhead in the theater? Are you turned on by the proclamations of trolls? After the show, back home, when your nude bodies rubbed together, your sweat mixed to form a toxic vapor. Rudolph was on a roof. He took one wiff and that was it - he will be out of commission to next year. Merry Christmas.

A David Hess Christmas?

Well why not. One more Christmas link to an older post, a review of To All a Good Night, directed by David Hess. This post features a Cub Speaks, remember those? Well we have gone are separate ways as a couple, still managing to live together in order to pay the bills (fuck!), but whatever. She did get me a horror tape for Christmas this year, the 1981 slasher Night School.

free screening?

So I'm having a crap Christmas Eve. No minutes left for my phone. Lost my debit card. Obviously can't go to the bank. Los Angeles being empty for the holidays is nice is some ways, depressing in others. Well, I just learned of a free screening of Silent Night, Deadly Night tonight at ten. It's no Christmas Evil, but it should suffice.

remember what happens when someone is lonely on Christmas

In the early days of the blog I wrote this Christmas short story, a must read for those of you who have forgotten what season it is.

remember the true spirit of Christmas

My review of Lewis Jackson's Christmas Evil that screened in Newport Beach last year with the director present. Perhaps the most passionate blog entry I have ever written. Perhaps the most passionate blog entry ever written about the true meaning of Christmas!

Black Christmas (1974) / Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974) screening recap - with special guests like Bob Clark and John Saxon

So last night was the big night, December's Grindhouse Film Festival at the New Beverly Cinema. I'll try not to make this recap too long as I want you guys to actually read it.

Bob Clark takes Black Christmas very seriously, as he should. It is an extremely well crafted film, not just technically (the use sound and camera movements are some of the best I've seen), but the plot is also very tight. When audience members asked storyline questions that other directors would shrug off, Bob Clark answered them seriously. He does have indeed have a backstory about the killer in his head (the movie reveals nothing), but he says he will never tell anyone about it. It is very important to him that elements of the movie be left up to the viewers interpretations. The remainder of this paragraph contains spoilers: Clark went to great lengths to include details on screen that prove that Peter is not the killer including having a different colored eye peek through the crack in the door, brown rather than blue. Jessica is not dead while the credits role and the phone rings, what happens next is up to interpretation. The Moaner's voices are done by three people, Clark included, but at no point do they overlap. It is intended that it is one person, the killer, speaking in all those tones. Clark did not tell us whether it is really the cat moaning in some scenes, or the killer imitating the cat. He did say that the killer does not kill the cat. I'll put this in this paragraph because it too includes spoilers - Black Christmas was most directly ripped off by When a Stranger Calls (1979) which really bases it's central premise around part of the Black Christmas climax. Clark is flattered by the all the imitations of his movie which is considered by many to be the first slasher movie.

On hand also were stars John Saxon and the female lead Olivia Hussey, both who like the film and enjoyed working on it. Stars from Clark's A Christmas Story were there as well. Zack Ward who played the villain and a person I believe is named Scott Schwartz who played the kid who got his tongue stuck to the flagpole. About Black Christmas, it was mentioned by Hussey that Steve Martin told her on the set of Roxanne that he had seen the movie 23 times and also she said that this was Elvis' favorite Christmas movie.

The Black Christmas remake will give more background information about the killer, as the studio demanded it. Clark has not seen it yet and will see it when it comes out on Christmas Day. He has faith in the new director.

Silent Night, Bloody Night. Pretty different then I remembered it, and I only saw it two years ago. No mention of it taking place in Arlington. Where did I get that idea? I also could swear there was a scene where the mute John Carradine reveals that he can talk, but no, must have been my imagination. Writer/Producer Jeffrey Konvitz, on hand, wrote The Sentinel in the attic at the house during the making of this movie. I should have brought my Sentinel novel for him to sign, my Sentinel tape, and my Sentinel poster, but I never prepare for these kind of things.

Grindhouse was beyond sold-out last night, the largest turn out ever, with people standing in the aisles. Free Black Dragons Bela Lugosi posters were given out. Next month is Switchblade Sisters and The Swinging Cheerleaders with special guest Jack Hill. Tuesday, January 23rd.

Christmas horror tonight + Perez Hilton sticks up for bloggers...

We are just hours away from the Christmas horror event of the season! At Grindhouse Film Festival tonight in Hollywood, the original Black Christmas (1974) and Silent Night, Bloody Night (also 1974) double feature! Silent Night, Bloody Night, the less famous of the films, stars Mary Woronov and John Carradine. I've seen it and it is good. The movie is set in Arlington MA, just a town over from where I grew up! I believe that the writer/producer of Silent Night is expected to be on hand as is Black Christmas director Bob Clark and star John Saxon.

Perez Hilton, who blogs out of a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Sunset Strip, is being sued - read about it here.

Now I'm sure all of us bloggers use photos we did not take and we don't pay to use any of them, but I see both sides of the issue here. Perez's blog is all tabloid photos and he makes a lot of money posting these photos that other media outlets have to pay to post of publish. Of course one could argue, and I'm sure Perez does, that part of the draw to his site is the that he doodles on these pictures and writes words across them. He is defending his use of the photos as "satire", therefore all technically legal. Ok, but the real untouched photos are clearly visible underneath his crude drawings and I'm sure that Perez's site is the first place and really the only place most readers need to go to see these star pictures. I'm saying that once a picture has been posted by Perez, there really is no need for any of his readers to find the untouched version elsewhere.

If Perez were not extremely successful, I'd be in his corner 100%, but he has got to be pulling in tons of ad revenue here. Don't you guys feel sorry for the camera men out on the streets trying to make an honest dollar? I was walking home the other night, pretty late, and saw a batch of them outside of the Roosevelt waiting for Lindsay Lohan to make her exit. I stayed and watched, there was no one else around, just the photographers, professional autograph seekers, and me, and then Lohan who zipped from the door to the car in about three seconds - posing for about one second before getting into the passenger seat. About 5000 pictures were taken, but not of the photographers seemed happy. They dispersed, grumbling, in various directions. What a miserable bunch.

Speaking of misery. Tonight's horror event looks to be the height of my holiday season. I'm not enjoying this one.

so I met David Lynch...

David Lynch was doing his publicity stunt thing at La Brea and Hollywood on a lawn in front of the church there. I believe it was Wednesday afternoon. I was walking by to get some lunch. There was a big Laura Dern banner - "For your consideration - Inland Empire" and the banner you might have heard about, "without cheese there would be no Inland Empire". Lynch is not referring to dairy production being the back bone of the area known as the Inland Empire. He told me that he ate a lot of cheese during the making of Inland Empire the film. "Are there cows in the film?", I asked, as I was petting a dairy cow that stood next to Lynch, who was seated in a director's chair.

"No, no cows."

"Is this cow from the Inland Empire?" I was inquiring about whereabouts this cow lived.

"No... no.."

Mr. Lynch was very nice. I believe that this was the second time he spent an afternoon at this spot with a cow and his banners as my friend Kendra had mentioned seeing such a spectacle a few weeks ago - she had no idea what it was at the time.

On my way home from the vegan restaurant - no cheese for me - I saw Lynch rolling up his own signs.. All in all this event attracted a small crowd, he was packing up before rush hour, so I'm sure the fans that heard by word of mouth quickly enough and got a chance to stop by were extremely excited for this opportunity to meet this cult director.

There is video footage of Lynch's antics at La Brea and Hollywood the first time around here. I've not heard the sound on this video, my soundcard is busted. I wonder what Lynch is saying to these guys? Maybe you can tell me.

Tomorrow Night: The original Black Christmas and Silent Night, Bloody Night at Grindhouse in Hollywood. Black Christmas director Bob Clark, who also directed A Christmas Story, is expected to be there.

the LA Weekly slams Christmas horror for all the wrong reasons

I just don't get it. Read about it here under the title "Where Harvey Goes, Shame Follows".

the straight shit and horror on a budget - Fangs of the Living Dead (1969) $2 DVD

Ok, no more TV/video productions this semester or papers due. There are however, finals, but it is the last week. This weekend I had some free time and did not know what to do. I am not talking to one of my favorite friends, but others are being very nice to me or are being very hot/cold, so everything is very mixed up. I am open to talking to anyone right now, even the cracked out girl at the coffee shop who told me her mother was pursued sexual by Charles Manson and his big jar of pills, whatever those may have been. No, I did not give her my number, but I did talk to her for half an hour. Did you know that the Black Dahlia murder's most famous victim was found in the canyon next to my house? Well that was back when a freeway ran through the canyon. Actually I don't think there ever was a freeway there - the canyon is famous for being the only part of Hollywood that was never developed. To her credit, even this wacked out girl found the story to be full of holes.

Sitting at the cafe and starring at the wall for too long gives anyone license to talk to you.

Get yourself the $2 version of Amando de Ossorio's Fangs of the Living Dead. Sure it is fullscreen without even any pan + scan, but the picture is great and the price is just right. I think it can be found at K-Mart, I go a used, yet unopened copy, and it had a K-Mart sticker on it. Maybe you can find it at Rite Aid, though around here those are morphing into CVS's. I guess this movie is supposed to be a parody of gothic horror, but that was lost on me. Oh, I caught some intentional humor, but it did not seem much more goofy than say, Amando de Ossorio's Night of the Sorcerers from 1973, in fact it is far more impressive. It's no Fearless Vampire Killers, but Fangs of the Living Dead has got plenty of eye candy. Will it be the last movie me and my friend Kendra watch together? Time will tell, as the drama sorts itself out.

Over at The Horror Blog - the roundtable on everyone's worst horror moment of the year - which in almost every case seems to be a situation where the writers find themselves in the theater watching a movie that sucks dick. I missed the deadline so my moment is in the comments section - it was my embarrassment at taking Kendra to Night of the Living Dead 3D. I did not have a best horror moment of the year for last week's roundtable.

it's the brawl for all over at Louis Fowler's blog: Live Feed director Ryan Nicholson vs. bloggers- also, I hype that suicidegirls.com short I edited

Here is the story of the Live Feed controversy that originally started with a negative review from Louis Fowler at his Damaged 2.0 blog. The director of Live Feed, Ryan Nicholson, submitted his rebuttal, but things did not get ugly until Night of the Living Podcast threw in their 2 cents. I can't listen to these podcasts right now, busted sound card, but I guess they call Live Feed the worst thing they have seen - worse that another recent direct-to-DVD release, Fear of Clowns. Nicholson fires back in the comments section of the at Damaged 2.0 post that prints that original Nicholson response and a nasty exchange follows. Sounds complicated, but not really, all you gotta know is the word "pigfuckers" is used a lot.

Soon it will be old news soon, but I'd still love for people to watch the fashion video I edited for the suicidegirls website. I think the main problem with it is that we don't interview any girls. We get Zoe in the dark, which is awesome, but hard to see in the flash version. What this video really needed was my interview, well the one where I'm interviewed. It's pretty irrelevant, but kinda nasty and would have made a great climax to the movie instead of some clown going "what's up suicide girls". You know, you gotta end with something "wacky". Zoe wanted my part in the final version, but it certainly would not do much to hype the line - it's an off-topic tale of an older rockstar - and this video is legit so probably did not warrant random shit talking.

video I edited for suicidegirls.com

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another mom and pop era VHS tape hits DVD - 1985's Future-Kill

Sorry I've not been posting frequently enough. Don't worry, by no means is the blog dying a slow death - this is just a heavy time for me with 3 TV/video projects that I'm heavily involved in each coming to a busy time. There are a lot of horror bits I want to cover - for now a new DVD release has caught my attention...

Future-Kill is out on DVD. I remember hating this when I rented the tape a few years back, but maybe I'd be a little more into it now. It's no Young Warriors, that's for sure, though it is similar in the way that it matches frat hi-jinks with graphic street violence. Am I'm gonna pick up the new DVD? No chance in hell, but you might be interested. Edwin Neal and Marilyn Burns from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre are in this movie, as was advertised on the original box cover, making thousands of fans excited to rent the tape and then letting each of them down one by one.

video store dork test - can you identify this picture by pretty much just rabbit images alone?

What was this? I swear I remember it being just a tad different - from my teenage years - of course I won't get into it now. Yes, I'll post the answer later and explain what I'm talking about.

12/2/06 - answer: is here

David DeCoteau

Frequent Charles Band film director, David DeCoteau, is on myspace. Sure, everyone is on myspace, but I think that this might be HIS actual page in that he actually uses it himself. I was reminded that I wanted to put up a link to his very interesting (and very gay) myspace page as I picked up Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (a hilarious film) at a yardsale today for a dollar. By the way, today's yardsale in Studio City was supposed to have a special celebrity special guest, Irwin Keyes (Friday the 13th, House of 1000 Corpses, The Exterminator), but he was nowhere to be seen.

David DeCoteau may have made his best films early in his career. Creepozoids, Dr. Alien, Puppet Master III (probably the best of that series). Later Band movies were not as good - Shrieker (1997), The Killer Eye (1999), Prison of the Dead (2000). Today he makes gay slashers for here! Networks. See his imdb page.

Anyway, I'm a big fan. I'll hopefully bring you that Young Warriors screening review I promised. Did I mention that Debbie Gibson was in attendance? No joke, she was attending the double feature on a date.

Umberto Lenzi's Man from Deep River (1972) to screen in Hollywood November 25th

Attention Hollywood locals, Adam Trash is showing The Man From Deep River on November 25th at midnight, for, of course, Regent Midnight Movies. I believe that this movie is the one movie that jump started the Italian cannibal film craze. Adam personally warned me not to attend as this movie unfortunately also set the bar for the amount of animal slaughter in these films. Thanks for the warning, I will not be there, but some of you may be the heartless bastards who dig that shit. Unfortunately for me, I'm a big fan of the cannibal films minus the real horror involved, but screenings of Cannibal Ferox (also Umberto Lenzi) and Cannibal Holocaust have left me cold. I recommend Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals for those seeking cannibal mayhem minus the ugly specter of animal abuse. Also coming soon - Grindhouse Film Festival on December 19th with Silent Night Bloody Night and Black Christmas, with Bob Clark possibly in attendance. I will surely speak more on that double bill as the date becomes closer. Last night's Grindhouse will also be receiving a full review here in the near future, perhaps a very in-depth review, as I loved 1983's The Young Warriors.

Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006) with Sid Haig, who can't save this movie from being perhaps the worst of the year

Night of the Living Dead 3D is without a doubt the lowest budget film I've seen in a first-run movie theater. There is of course, nothing wrong with that, unless the film is Night of the Living Dead 3D, a total bore that also looks like shit. The 3D is extremely underused. Not guts or blood fly at the screen period, because there is only one gore scene in the entire movie - and that ain't much to see. Twice, joints extend from the screen into the audience, but this trick is only funny the first time. The weed jokes are not very funny. The characters are not very interesting or compelling. Yes, Sid Haig is in this movie, but not enough. I don't know if they just gave him all the good lines, or if he is amazing with even shit material, but all the scenes with him in them are good in a way that make them seem out of place along with the rest of the sterile boredom.

This movie is already dated by the terms used in the film. There are mentions of Mapquest, playing Doom, and the Horror Channel (does that even exist beyond the internet?), as well as the phenomenon of a zombie text messaging, which you've seen if you have suffered through the movie's commercial. I sure hope the text messaging scene will date this movie as I prefer phone calls to texting and hope that this behavior will go out of vogue. I don't think I will be so lucky.

Zombie movies have run their course. It's getting old. Zombie walks, zombie porn, "what would you do if zombies came?" hypothetical conversations... stop it already! By the way, the glasses for this movie are the shitty blue and red kind.

In July I posted about Night 3D for the first time when I found it getting slammed by fans online just for existing. Many feel that a classic film is being raped.

I would put this movie in league with the original Night of the Living Dead star's directorial retread from 1988, Bill Hinzman's Flesheater. Sure Night 3D is more innovative with the script, but both movies are dull, murky, forgettable, and completely uninteresting to the eye. These movie is dead on it's feet, yeah, that's like a zombie, but one that's stuck in a box with no food to eat and just bangs its head against the wall.

R.I.P. Jack Palance

My next review will be of the awful Night of the Living Dead 3D that hit a few theaters yesterday, but first, this sad news...

Famous western actor Jack Palance died yesterday, November 10th, 2006, of natural causes at age 87. Most famous for City Slickers, and his one-handed push-ups at the Oscars that year at age 73, fans of horror and low-budget cinema should also note that he acted in a number of sleazy Italian movies earlier in his career. Films include Mister Scarface, Black Cobra Woman (directed by Joe D'Amato), and Marquis de Sade: Justine (directed by Jess Franco). Other horror genre movies include Man in the Attic from 1953 (he played a man who may or may not be the Ripper), Dracula from 1973 (Dan Curtis, Palance played Dracula), Without Warning from 1980 (a movie that inspired Predator) and of course Alone in the Dark from from 1982. I know I'm leaving tons of films out, check the list for yourself or see some of the films that you have missed, in honor of this bad guy legend.

Borat is more real than I thought, they pulled it off, I can't believe it...

All the Borat fit to print. Previously in my writings about Borat I questioned weather or not these tricks with real non-acting Americans were as real as they had been on the HBO TV show. I figured there was no way they could make this gag work again and it all fit together too neatly in the film. Well, I may be still be right in some cases, but journalists have been doing some work and what they have dug up proves that that much of these pranks were not simulated. Stuff in this Borat movie really is TRUE and many of the characters are Americans being themeselves - read these fascinating stories.

We will start off with a quick one, "Duped Woman Blames Borat for Losing Her Job".

This Newsweek article explains to some extent how they got away with it. It still blows my mind even after hearing the methods.

Tons of links from the USA today to stories about Borat's happy and unhappy victims.

Feminist sculptor Linda Stein's page with a list of articles about her Borat experience.

Linda Stein writes about her experience, a must read.

Even more accounts from FHM. Look at the picture they've got of frat boy David Corcoran downing two beers simultaneously. Are you trying to clean up your rep or not?

You can attempt to read this tell-all Borat expose on MTV's shitfilled/hard-to-navigate website.

The frat boys sue. Fox says the lawsuite "has no merit."

Thanks to this site, Magic Smoke, for finding all the info. I've got a friend who was working the Virgin signing where Pamela Anderson gets abducted. I find it hard to believe that he was not in on the joke, as I know he is familiar with Ali G and loves cable tv and whatnot. I did not think to ask him if he knew what was going on, I just assumed that he did. I'll get back to you guys on this.

Young Warriors X-Rated print is coming to Grindhouse - plus a review written worse than all of mine put together, about that Marie Antoinette movie

Grindhouse Film Festival, next week, Tuesday, November 14th in Hollywood. Be there, the only uncut print in existence of Young Warriors is playing along with Malibu High. Lawrence D. Foldes of Don't Go in the Park fame will be there.

So many of the user reviews on the imdb are bad, we know this, but what about the imdb message boards. Oh my God. Check out this defense of Marie Antoinette that starts off one thread.

I watched Marie Antoinette yesterday with my older sister who's 21 and she was absolutely disgusted with the movie, whereas I thought it was beautiful, moving and lavish. I tried to talk to her about the movie, but she told me that there was nothing to talk about because the movie was so terrible--there was no storyline...what was the point blah blah blah.

I thought her being the older sibling, would understand the depth of the movie...but she didn't.

So I guess I've taken the liberty to explain something to everyone who thought the script was terrible and everything else that was terrible about the movie.

Sofia Coppola is a genius and I thought this movie was genius. The whole movie is about Marie Antoinette and her life...it's kind of like a documentary but at the same time...not so much of a documentary. The details are so accurate and everything is so precise...can people not appreciate that? I mean, it was about her life, why would there be a storyline or a plot? As for the script, I imagine it was how Marie Antoinette and her friends and everyone else would talk back then.

What exactly did people want/expect from this movie? Did people expect a fairy tale life of a 14-year-old Austrian girl who came to marry Louis XVI?

Did they expect a warped version of her life that would make the movie more interesting in their opinion?

I just feel that sometimes people can't spot a good movie from a bad movie.

What the fuck was that? Anyway, what of this Marie Antoinette movie? Acording to this review from the ultra-leftish Nation, the film is superficial garbage. I've heard some complain that Sofia Coppola only directs movies that tell the tales of people of privlidge. I guess that claim is not so far fetched and Marie Antoinette is I suppose the ultimate example as this movie ignors the really nasty historical details of her life (the execution) and sticks to her depicting "Marie-Antoinette's life as relentlessly tedious". Oh the pain of being rich with nothing to do. I can relate, all my worries are school related while my bills are magicaly paid, yet my life is still a fascinating struggle, right? ...Right?

150 Days!! - my non-review of Death of a President (2006)

Death of a President, as you may have heard, is the fictional account, a mocumentary actually, of the assassination of George Bush. Many have said that this movie brings forth the truth in a way that only fiction can, and I agree that these filmmakers do predict accurately what would happen in the aftermath of a presidential assassinating, but you know what, it's an easy call. Basically the death of George Bush is 9-11 part 2. In the film a new Patriot Act passes, we bomb Syria due to false intelligence, and Muslims are unfairly treated. Wow, how about surprising us with something new?! I agree all this things are wrong, but seeing a fictional account of all this news going down is just so boring as none of it is any different than recent and current news. The twist ending (a mocumentary with a twist ending? oh no) is basically a retread of the Timothy McVeigh case, the liberals' favorite terrorist story.

I saw this in the theater, very few others will. I feel that a lot of the praise for this movie is due to people being impressed with the use of real news footage being combined with scripted filmed footage of actors to form new scenes - like the assassination scene - to name an obvious example. Well, I'm not impressed. By now we've seen it all technology wise and it is not worth your money to rent this just to see some magic that could be created on just about anybody's Macintosh these days.

Death of a President, it's not total shit, but it's no more fun than an hour and a half of CNN.

150 Days of Sodom is back - Blood Diamond is under attack!!

Sorry I was gone during the horror season of Halloween. It's been busy, but the main problem was an unreliable internet connection.

Here is a link to a tale of a very jaded Halloween weekend from the LA Weekly. I actually went to the Dia de los Muertos festival in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and contemplated that Pumpkinhead screening.

Here is a link to the fascinating article about the Blood Diamond controversy. When I was younger I said I would never buy a diamond for anyone, as they are products of slavery and murder or something, but then, two years ago I bought one - in fact old entries of this blog (don't go back there!) chronicle that adventure. Oh well, I fucked up.

Well, here is a great poster teaser for a movie that does not and sadly will not ever exist, created by my adorable friend Anniee, enjoy.

Michael and Roberta Findlay's Snuff and from the Onion: horror for left-wingers and right-wingers

Tonight at Regent Midnight Movies on La Brea in Hollywood, Michael and Roberta Findlay's Snuff. I've read they the pair took a film by another director and added a fake "snuff" ending to the movie. This is gonna suck, but I'm probably going anyway. I should let you know that after some complaining I am on a raffle wining streak having won at Grindhouse and at having won two weeks in a row at Regent, where I last picked up some porno double-feature DVD.

There is almost too much writing about horror movies these days, but I did enjoy this breakdown from the Onion AV Club about horror movies for left-wingers and right-wingers, including Last House on the Left, Deathdream, Eyes Without A Face, and They Live.

a quick look at The Forest and Don't Go in the Woods screening - plus Spikefest

new horror blog - Hog Wild Howls from Razorback Records on the subject of video store classics like Nightbeast and Boarding House.

As I mentioned last post, Tuesday night's Grindhouse double bill was The Forest (1982) playing with Don't Go in the Woods (1982) with Woods director James Bryan in attendance

These two movies compliment each other - they are both pretty bizarre woodland slashers. Think Berserker, Memorial Valley Massacre, or The Prey. Well, this pair is perhaps even more memorable than those fairly odd films. I had not seen The Forest until this screening. I know it made the rounds as a Prism video tape. It's not a gorefest, like I expected it to be, as it has attained minor cult status, yet the movie does have it's sicko moments, including cannibalism and a hilarious sequence involving ghost children explaining matter-of-factly that they killed themselves.

Don't Go in the Woods - I love this movie and have watched it over and over on VHS. It has a very bad rep among mainstream movies fans, as being garbage, but to those among us with taste, well this rocks. Characters in this movie show up just to be killed on screen moments later. It is blatantly obvious that a grim fate awaits these goofy victims - mostly played by crew members, according to the director. As expected, the wheel chair death scene drew a near standing ovation from the audience. I'd been telling people about this kill in advance as it is particularly tasteless. A man in a wheel chair painstakingly makes his way up a dirt mountain trail, with funny sounding music playing as he struggles and falls over repeatedly. Of course upon reaching the top, he is decapitated and his head rolls down the hill.

On to the subject of Spikefest. Spike Cassidy from the thrash band D.R.I. has got cancer and a series of shows are set up nationwide to help pay for his medical bills. Shows include bands like D.I. and Dr. Know. I attended the kickoff show in Long Beach (last Sunday) with a D.R.I. tribute band, Aggression, and a headlining appearance by Gang Green from Boston. It was a stellar show except for the fact that Gang Green's set was cut short by the curfew. A six hour flight for these guys to play seven songs?! Anyway, if you like thrash, crossover metal, or punk, check out the lineups for Spikefest shows in your local area.

Borat movie to open in only 800 theaters cause Americans don't know what it is, no wonder I went to the free screening, also Freak Out from Anchor Bay

Last night, The Forest (1982) and Don't Go in the Woods (1982) played on a double bill at the monthly Grindhouse Film Festival. I hope to go over the highlights of the evening in a future post, but who knows. Both movies are just becoming available from Code Red DVD. Woods director James Bryan was on hand to give a Q+A and sign DVDs, five of which were stolen by some shithead Grindhouse patron. Who could it be? the suspicion will tear us apart!

I won a raffle prize and got booed across the board and had popcorn thrown at me. I am not popular at Grindhouse so it seems, but I bet the thief is less popular than me and I too would throw things at him and take part in angry mob justice.

Anchor Bay is putting out a 2-Disc version of horror/comedy Freak Out from 2004. A look around the internet shows me that people think this movie is pretty funny. It looks very low budget and may or may not be filmed in the director's house, but we don't care about that, do we? I think I'm going to get a copy to review - so I'll give you the full story then. Freak Out is directed by first-timer Christian James and available here.

Even though I already reviewed the Borat movie here, American has never heard of it. How can this be? Article from the LA Times.

Fox scales back 'Borat' movie's opening

The comedy will first be shown in 800 theaters, down from 2,000, amid a lack of awareness.

By Josh Friedman and Lorenza Muñoz, Times Staff Writers

October 25, 2006

Moviefilm "Borat" will not be in so much US and A theaters when it opening third of November.

Twentieth Century Fox on Tuesday confirmed that it had slashed by more than half the number of locations where it hoped to debut the mock documentary about a boorish Kazakh TV journalist. On assignment in America, the fictional Borat offends virtually everyone he meets while mangling the English language.

Surveys showed that moviegoers were largely unaware of "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan," despite well-publicized stunts by its star, Sacha Baron Cohen. His hype endeavors included drawing a crowd of journalists to the White House gates where the British comedian, in character as Borat Sagdiyev, asked to deliver a screening invitation to "Premier George Walter Bush."

"Our research showed it was soft in awareness," said Bruce Snyder, Fox's distribution chief.

Industry analysts could not recall a studio trimming the number of locations so sharply less than two weeks before a film's debut.

Fox had hoped to open "Borat" in more than 2,000 theaters. Instead, the film will start in about 800 locations, then expand to 2,200 the following weekend when Fox hopes the movie will have gained traction. "The movie plays like a concert," Snyder said. "It's great in a theater."

A tracking survey Monday by National Research Group showed that 27% of respondents were aware of "Borat," well behind two competitors opening the same weekend. Of those surveyed, 81% were aware of Walt Disney Co.'s "The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause" and 50% were aware of DreamWorks Animation SKG's "Flushed Away," to be released through Paramount Pictures.

But tracking can be unreliable, film executives said, especially with an unconventional film such as "Borat."

Cohen, a Cambridge University-educated comic, featured the character Borat on his "Da Ali G Show" on Home Box Office. The film version, which is rated R, includes considerable raunch and such outlandish segments as Borat singing the national anthem at a rodeo as he pursues his goal of marrying former "Baywatch" star Pamela Anderson.

Fox has had trouble selling "Borat" outside of the big cities and college towns where Cohen's brand of politically incorrect satire has gathered legions of fans.

Rivals say Fox may have overestimated the breadth of the movie's appeal.

The movie also could be suffering from what one executive called "Snakes on a Plane" syndrome — buzz that peaks too early. After a year of Internet hype, "Snakes" had a disappointing opening this summer for New Line Cinema. Still, that movie was being hyped sight unseen, whereas critics have raved about "Borat."

"It's gotten a lot of publicity, but publicity does not necessarily equal an audience," said analyst Brandon Gray, head of BoxOfficeMojo.com.

The "Borat" buzz started building during the Cannes Film Festival in May, when Cohen posed in character on the beach in a neon green sling bikini alongside two models.

Cohen also played a French stock car racer in this summer's hit "Talladega Nights."

Since Cannes, Cohen has stayed relentlessly in character. Even the Kazakhstan government has unwittingly pitched in, buying newspaper ads defending the country's honor and threatening to sue the film's creators for portraying it as backward.

Fox hopes the change in its release strategy will eventually work to its advantage.

For one thing, the studio won't face the pressure of the box-office expectations game. Because of its smaller theater count, analysts won't expect "Borat" to open with a higher gross than "The Santa Clause 3" or "Flushed Away." Films are often tagged a failure if they don't finish in the top two slots.

Fox is hedging its bets by opening where the movie is expected to draw its biggest crowds and generate a high average gross per theater. That could help the studio persuade additional theaters throughout the country to show the film. Later in November, however, "Borat" faces competition from the James Bond thriller "Casino Royale" and the animated "Happy Feet."

Despite the slimmed-down release, "Borat" is almost certain to make money for Fox given that its production budget was a modest $17 million.

Edward Douglas, who writes a box-office column for ComingSoon.net, said he expected "Borat" to open at $8 million to $9 million and ultimately gross $50 million.

Fallen Angels with David Hess, directed by Jeff Thomas, sneak peak premier at Screamfest LA at the Chinese Theater

Here in LA we are very noncommittal, so a friend told me last night, and I could not agree with him more. All week I've been putting off Screamfest events, and then finding them to be sold-out when I finally decide to head down there. Fallen Angels was guarantee to be a star-studded premier with favorite classic actors of mine, and since the showing was at noon, I had a good feeling about there being some tickets still available day off. Not wanting to be shutout again, I headed down to the Chinese Theater box office and threw down $12 for a ticket at about eleven. Immediately after purchasing my single ticket, one of the producers of the movie gave me two free tickets. Oh, if only I had talked to her a minute earlier. I was able to give one to a friend, still asleep back at my house on the couch, but was unable to find a home for the second. We tried to find someone on the boulevard to give it too, but the costumed street performers were scaring everyone away. Note: the Superman, the most "famous" of the performers attending this screening as did the low-rent Pinhead in a rubber halloween store costume, which is fitting, as Bob Keen who worked on the Hellraiser movies did some of the special effects for this movie.

I'm sure one of my roommates would have come to this screening had she known that Adrianne Curry and her husband, Mr. Peter Brady, would be there posing for a pictures with everybody on a small Fallen Angles red carpet mockup before the movie. Curry appears briefly in the film. Also in attendance were Reggie Bannister (Phantasm) and David Hess (Last House on the Left, House on the Edge of the Park), who sat directly in front of myself and my friend Patrick. Many other cast members were present, and though I am not so much of an expert on non-horror stars, all of the older actors in this movie are screen veterans. The lineup for this movie is huge and director Jeff Thomas remarked before the movie that he did a good job placing these names and faces in roles where they were not appear to be just making a cameo. I agree with him, though the Reggie Bannister scene does stick out. It's pretty funny. He plays opposite WWE star/Playboy covergirl, Christie Hemme.

This movie has no distributor yet. It is clearly not meant for the big screen and suffered a bit from such large projection. I'll cover the flaws first. After nearly every line, heavy music drops. Example: "Birds don't ever nest in here" and then a "dun-dun-dun" type of heavy music hits, lots of low strings and some pretty bad sound effects. The first third of the movie moves too quickly. There are tons of characters and plot elements introduced, many of which are not needed to support the story, which really does not start to make any sense until half way through the film. At that point, when characters are giving some good talking time, the movie starts to get interesting. There is some great dialogue here, great acting, and lots of spiritual talk. I would go so far as to say that this is perhaps the most Christian-themed horror movies I have seen that is not from the Excorcist family of films. Now I'm sure that me saying that will rub some of my readers the wrong way, but I assure you that the sentiments and the cheese, which is laid on thick, is the best part of this movie. Some time after the 80's we got rid of all the sincere, yet syrupy sweet, stuff. That was refreshing at the time, but after 15 years all the irreverence has gotten boring and predictable. Nothing is worse than someone trying to shock and be cutting edge when they are just delivering the same rehashed shit packaged as rebellion. I can't stand it and am ready for some straightforward bullshit as opposed to bullshit that pretends not to be trying hard cause it's so damn cool.

Of course this movie is extremely gory. I love blood baths, but again, this movie is best with the dialogue and story and not all the action scenes with Cenobites running wild really worked for me as I watch about three horror films a week and am pretty familiar with that kind of stuff. The film is set at an Ohio prison, abandoned, the same prison where the Shawshank Redemption was shot. This movie has David Hess in a role unlike any you have never seen him in before. I have no idea what his fans will think, personaly it made my day, but without question it will have even the detractors talking. He deserves to be listed much higher-up in the credits as his role is very important and well, I for one went to see this movie just because he is in it. One theatergoers said Hess was "born to play" this role. Hess said he preferred funnier roles (like Krug?), but later did reveal that he may have had some say into the specifics of what made up this character. I really should give it away, shouldn't I?

Overall I have to give this movie a mixed review as some of it is rather messy, but it does contain some very different elements and delves deeply into discussion about what the director would call the "spiritual" - losses of faith, existence of God, inhumanity, a kid getting thrown into the fire by an angry Catholic Mexican mob, etc. We shall see how this stuff flies in a post-ironic world. Me, if I had the same vision of the director, I would lay it on thick, church bells and all. Other people would say "you can't do that". I'd say, "fuck you, I'm doing it", because I like overkill to the max, really nailing the point home and then some. Like I said above, I'd have a much more positive experience with this movie on DVD, the lighting and picture quality (and perhaps the sound mix quality -maybe that's why I did not like some of the FX) are not high enough for projection in a theater.

Also starring in this movie, Bill Mosley (TCSM 2, Devil's Rejects), Michael Berryman (original Hills Have Eyes, Devil's Rejects), Michael Dorn (Lt. Warf), Kane Hodder (an associate producer to the film as well), and Kevin McCarthy (Ghoulies III).

about Google buying Youtube

I am not trying to turn this blog into the Hollywood Reporter, like one friend said.

Google Buys Youtube, the people speak!

I am just happy that I can read the Onion now in LA when I go out for coffee!

nevermind the controversy, here's Borat, and he does not disappoint!

update 11/10/06 : I stand corrected, the Borat movie is more real than I thought, here are my links to TRUE stories.

I saw a screening of the Borat movie yesterday. If you check the imdb, tons of others have seen it despite the November release date. There did not seem to be any reason for the screening yesterday. It was just Borat for free on the Fox Lot, no surveys, no nothing. It was my friend's second time seeing Borat. He saw it maybe 4+ months ago and figures that this screening was just to created buzz. Of course there is a massive buzz about this movie. Good news: my friend does not believe anything was cut out of the movie since last time and in fact believes that it has gotten longer and more vulgar with an additional shot of balls if you must know. I believe these balls to be prosthetic, I mean I'd rather have prosthetic balls in my face than real ones, but my friend thinks that the balls and nudity are all real. Don't get excited about this nudity guys, I mean don't get excited about the nudity in THAT way. There is some nasty stuff in this movie and you will laugh your ass off.

The Controversy pt 1 - The Jews: I don't think there will be much controversy from Jewish groups even though there is way more Jewish material in this movie than expected. The "Throw the Jew Down the Well" controversy has long ago boiled over. The crazy thing about that situation, from the second season of the HBO TV show, is that the fictional Borat actually encouraged anti-Semitism from a real life audience. On film the Jewish jokes mostly occur in staged skits. Sure they are elaborate, but come on, by now everyone should know that Borat is ignorant and that Sacha Baron Cohen is Jewish.

Here is an example of a "controversial" moment. I don't want to put too many hard examples in print for this review as have the fun of this movie are the elements of surprise. When staying with an elderly Jewish couple, Borat and his comrade are convinced that the Jews are going to kill them and that they are shape shifters. When cockroaches come crawling under the door, they are sure that these are the Jews and that they are done for. In order to escape, they throw money at the roaches to distract them and book it out the door and out of the house to safety.

Borat's religion: Borat, we find out, is not Muslim. I could not make out what religion he claimed, but he did say that he "follow the hawk".

The Controversy pt 2 - What is real and what is fake?: On the original TV show, Borat, in character, visits with Americans who do not know that he is portrayed by and actor. Their reactions and words are real. This movie is based on many of those incidents and in fact some of them are repeated, such as a visit to an etiquette coach and a dinner with Southern members of the upper class. Fortunately no jokes are repeated, everything is fresh, but is everything real this time? I think not. For example, Borat and company have to flee the Southern mansion as the cops are on the way. Not likely the case in real life. During another encounter, Borat believes a woman having a yard sale to be a Gypsy with a junk pile, but at this yard sale he happens to find a book that is integral to the plot.

Only a handful of characters in this movie are credited as actors. Still, it is hard to believe that many of the Americans, who are playing themselves, are not in on the joke this time as the movie fits together so seamlessly. Discerning reality from the fictional plot is something that seams to disturb many imdb commentators, but I say, "let it go". Just enjoy the movie. Real or fake, valid points are being made. Even if some of the lines from rednecks, middle-Americans, and frat boys, may not be genuine, they are awfully similar to lines from Da Ali G Show that were for certain authentic. Sacha Baron Cohen appears to pull of some of his in character public stunts, but today I think a lot more people are familiar with Borat, even in middle America. In any case, everyone will be, this movie is going to be huge.

The Controversy pt 3 - Kazakhstan: I don't think anyone in American cares that the country of Kazakhstan is upset by this movie. The Kazakhstan scenes, some of the funniest in the movie, are all shot in Romania.

The Controversy pt 4 - Hollywood Street Performers: You know how I have repeatedly trashed, in this blog, the local street performers that can be found outside of the Chinese Theater? Well a couple of them are in the movie, but do not fear, none of the ones I hate are shown. The one guy, with the wings and sickle, I respect him as his character is his own, he did not lift it from a recent super hero movie. We also get to see one of the more recent super-low-rent-Halloween-store Grim Reapers in a fight scene, and this is hilarious.

Reviews so far have been overwhelmingly positive. Here are the rare negative imdb user reviews, good for a laugh, but caution, they contain spoilers...

http://www.imdb.com/user/ur12315162/comments

http://www.imdb.com/user/ur12148799/comments

http://www.imdb.com/user/ur0824117/comments

Blood Orgy of the She Devils last night at Regent Midnight Movies

We got from Venice Beach to the Regent in Hollywood in well under a half hour after attending a wrap party for the Flags of Our Fathers movie. Of course Regent Midnight Movies starts late, so we could have took our time. The crowd was pretty small as I think most people know that Blood Orgy of the She Devils sucks. This print was loaned from Ted V. Mikels himself. I actually half enjoyed the picture. It's the best Mikels film I've seen. I will admit that I did try to take a nap, but failed due to uncomfortable seats and crippling freezing cold. Yeah, I admit I have no body fat, but I was wearing two t-shirts, a hoody, and a bomber jacket zipped up, plus a hat and I pulled up my hood. The is no explanation for this sub zero temperature in a movie theater.

My friend took a smoking break and was gone for easily 60% of the movie and this was a relief to me as when he was present he consistently yelled drunken obscenities at the screen. If there had been more than ten people there, someone would have minded. I think every person was drunk, but me. I'm not putting down Regent Midnight Movies, I will be there for Bloodsucking Freaks on the 21st and I expect the crowd to be hot and significantly larger than last night's crowd. I actually did win the raffle last night, I shit you not, and won a poster from some William Lustig movie.

Adam Trash picked a significantly better short film to open the movie this week compared to the awful highway patrol movie from last week. He played some movie about a circus family juggling and spliced a bunch of the best gore scenes from Pieces into the middle of it. I was amused.

Blood Orgy, I know this is gonna sound weird, might be a movie better enjoyed in the comfort of your own home, so you can take breaks, naps in bed, read at a book at the same time, or whatever. One scene is particularly brutal, where a witch is stoned at point blank range, even if the rocks are obviously foam or paper, as she is getting hit in the face with them and stuff.

I gotta say that the "Indian" seance scene is a must see where the head witch speaks as a Native American brave and says everything short of "How" to a crowd of white clients. This is NOT a direct quote, but imagine stuff like "You should no take the giant silver bird across the great water".

we ain't gettin' nowheres here in the Hollywood Hills

Well, I have lots of problems so blog updates have been infrequent lately. Unfortunately the steady stream of movie coming out is a shit stream so it won't be distracting me very much. At least there are a few bright spots. I went to a crew screening of Flags of Our Fathers as a guest. This movie, set to come out October 20th, should please war movies fans and is free from the moral preaching that made everybody sick in Saving Private Ryan. I was left lying awake the night I saw Flags (not because of my real problems, but because of the heaviness of the movie!) and maybe you will be too. My blog is not really one of those blogs full of spoilers for those nerds who need to know plot details in advance, so I'll keep quiet about those kind of things for now.

I'm going to get to see the Borat movie tomorrow and I sure hope it does not let me down.

The Robin Williams movie Man of the Year is getting really bad reviews. The Marine isn't getting any reviews at all. It must be hidden from the critics.

Blood Orgy of the She Devils tonight at Regent Midnight Movies.

Blood Orgy of the She Devils, Bloodsucking Freaks, at Regent Midnight Movies

Recently single, I've been going out a lot, to many different types of things. Last night I was treated to free tickets to see L.A. Guns. While my favorite forms of music tend to be thrash and the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, I've never really stopped listening to the bands that got me into metal as a kid. What I'd like to share about L.A. Guns is that there were tons of attractive girls at this show, not what I expected. In fact, the washed up nasty hair metal chicks of the past (now middle-aged) were pretty much completely absent. There is a new generation of girls replacing them, and that could not have been around during the late 80's.

Oh, the Sunset Strip-rocking males of the 80's, they ARE still around. They look like shit now, too bad.

So I did not meet any girls at L.A. Guns, oh no... I'm am the weirdo that goes to stuff like Grindhouse and ends up sitting alone. Since the Grindhouse Film Festivals are not enough, my friend Adam has started his own midnight Saturday nights at the Regent on La Brea. Zombie was this Saturday's show and it was wicked sick. That movie is about 1000 times better on the big screen. I think that this is Adam's personal print and is one of the first print's that he ever bought. It is in great shape. October 14th will be Blood Orgy of the She Devils. October 21st will be Bloodsucking Freaks. It's seven dollars per night - here are all the details. Lots of good trailers from Adam's collection role before the movie. Will I be at every show? I'm not sure, but probably most of them. Oh yeah, in the spirit of Grindhouse there is a raffle. I have not won one of these in a long time. Rig that shit for me please!

puff pieces and what's coming out of the Doritos corporate gloryhole - for aspiring filmmakers

One magazine I never like to read is the free publication FLM where the director's of indie films sound off about their projects. This shit will make you wanna vomit. Who pays to put this mag out? Well there are two good pieces in this month's issue (portions of it on-line), one with director Kevin Macdonald on Last King of Scotland and one on American Hardcore. Note to future directors: try harder not to sound like pussies and you guys talking about sex doesn't do shit for me.

New topic - worse: I really like the staff and teachers at the school where I take my film classes, however I found on the bulletin board a web printout of yet another crappy film competition - and what's more it was marked with a sharpee with something like "Hey guys, you could totally do this and win!" What is it that got the department coordinator all excited? A chance to make to make a Doritos commercial that is will air during a 30 second Super Bowl spot. Ok, yes winning this could get you a real job. Yes, being in the top 5 could get you some prize money - but think about all the idiot film students nationwide crafting out their little odes to Doritos. Ok, so their buddies can watch watch this shit on Yahoo! Video and laugh, cause commercials are funny right? Well no, commercials are not that funny and I can think of a lot of better stuff to watch on-line than a flood of PG-rated Doritos commercials. Yet I am not a die hard Doritos fan, though PepsiCo seems to be sure these exist, these awesome people who define themselves by brands of food that they eat.

I can't find the exact same pitch that was posted on the board, but this article at CNNmoney is sufficiently full of fabricated excitement and faggy quotes about "phenomenons", "user-generated video craze", "the reality driven world", and another one from the VP of marketing "today we are most inspired by the people who love Doritos chips". Here is what ought to be done about these people. Grab the VP, his interns, the guy who wrote this shit at CNNmoney, and take them all down to the local indie movie theater's men's room - you might recall I mentioned the stall with the glory hole. One by one, force each man's head down on the dick, I don't care if it's an AIDS dick, a Hep C dick, whatever. Don't let them go till they swallow. I propose this as the cure to PepsiCo's wacky on-line, D.I.Y., aspiring filmmaker, marketing campaign.

Now you ask, "Warren, what makes you so pure, did you not just shoot a TV commercial this weekend and not get paid for it?" Well yes, but there was no budget, but wait, it is THE commercial, not a submission to a contest. I'm was taken advantage of on a much, much, smaller scale and the odds of it paying off for me are much better - better than being one of a million camcorder nerds who do free work for multinational PepsiCo.

Here is the complete text of the article, break out the barf bags once again:

Doritos: You create our Super Bowl commercial Snack food maker issues challenge to consumers. The best user-generated commercial for Doritos will air in next year's Super Bowl.

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Ever watch a lousy TV commercial and think that you could do a better job than the marketing agency who was probably paid a big fat fee?

Well, Doritos will give you a chance to show why you're more creative than Madison Avenue...and on the world's biggest stage for advertising, the Super Bowl.

Pepsi's Frito-Lay division is launching an unusual promotion for Doritos: average consumers will have the chance to create a commercial that will air during next year's Super Bowl.

Doritos, the snack food made by PepsiCo's (Charts) Frito-Lay division, announced on Thursday that it wants ordinary consumers to submit ads for Doritos between October 2 and December 1 and that the best ad will air during the Super Bowl, an event that last year was viewed by more than 90 million people in the U.S.

The promotion is being done in conjunction with Yahoo! Video, the online video site owned by the popular search engine. The aspiring commercial directors can use tools from Yahoo (Charts) to create and upload their videos.

Doritos will select five finalists in January and those ads will air on Yahoo's video site where people can go to watch and vote for their favorite. A marketing executive from Doritos said that the company is hoping to capitalize on the user-generated video craze.

Privately held YouTube has rapidly become one of the most buzzed about sites on the Web thanks to quirky videos submitted by users. News Corp.'s (Charts) MySpace, Yahoo and Google (Charts) are all trying to cash in on the popularity of user-generated content as well. And last month Sony agreed to buy online video site Grouper.

"In today's increasingly reality-driven world, people are looking for new ways to interact with, help shape and even personalize what is important to them," said Ann Mukherjee, vice president of marketing for Doritos, in a statement. "While we've had great success with star-studded Super Bowl commercials in years past, today we are most inspired by the people who love Doritos chips."

But for Doritos, banking on amateur video directors to make a successful commercial has some big financial risks. Companies spent an average of $2.5 million for a 30-second spot during this year's Super Bowl XL, which aired on Walt Disney (Charts)-owned ABC.

CBS will air Super Bowl XLI on February 4, 2007 and during a media industry conference earlier this week, CBS (Charts) CEO Leslie Moonves said his network was already starting to see healthy demand for commercial time during next year's game.

Still, one executive of an online video company said that Doritos may start a trend, namely that having consumers make their commercials could be a much cheaper way to advertise than hiring a high-profile ad agency.

"The phenomenon of user-generated content could help advertisers to drive costs down. For that, user video is perfect," said Gary Baker, president of ClipBlast!, a privately held online video search firm. "I'd expect advertisers to take more intriguing risks."