Sunday, May 28, 2006

Terror on Tour (1980) Don Edmonds

I've seen yesterday's metal pussies become today's yuppie pussies. Well, really I've not seen this at all, but I've seen the shows they are watching on heavy metal Vh1. Some of these band members have been on three different reality shows now! Biggest sellout, Scott Ian, a metal muppet who you might see buying hair dye for his goatee at your local Hot Topic when on the road with.... SuperGroup. This new "band", the subject of a new TV show, also includes Sebastian Bach and Ted Nugent. Here's hoping Nugent goes psycho and blows away his bandmates in an argument, and then takes his own life in order to avoid future prison rape. A shotgun suicide would be the only thing metal on that show.

Do you dig Thin Lizzy and Kiss? Then you will dig the rock performed by The Clowns, the factitious glam band who star in the 1980 slasher, Terror on Tour. The music ain't that bad, and the stage show, with simulated slashings and dismemberment, is pure fun. Too bad someone in Clown get-up is taking it too far, killing girls for real in the arena and back stage area. Is it one of the band members? The roadie who dresses like them in order to get laid? Or someone else? If we can sit through the endless partying, drug use, sex, and violence, then maybe we will find out. It would seem impossible to fuck this up, but director Don Edmonds (Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS) somehow managed to make it all a little boring. Really, the movie is very poorly paced, with dull subplots that go nowhere. The kills are not memorable, though they could have put more money into the FX budget. It's not an amateur movie otherwise, production values are pretty good and the cinematography is impressive, it just is not really a blast, and it should be. I mean... look at the cover!

From Media Home Video, no DVD, a very complete review is


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