Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Escape from Blood Plantation (1983) no escape from Cuba, but no sodomy either...

If you read my last post you might be interested that there is a Starbucks at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba! Are they selling the sodomy too? Yes, I know that those pictures were from Abu Gharib (pic below is on the way to Guantanamo) and of course I would not want to criticize anything our government is doing cause it might lower prison guard moral.

Ok, I lied, I don't care. I feel for the troops who might get wasted, but Guantanamo Bay is not a danger zone and they have Starbucks!

My review of Escape from Blood Plantation after these words...

I can't believe I forgot to bitch about Thursday nights TV taping. Some wanker director in TV1 class was doing a mini-mystery based on the game Clue - how can wicked short mysteries make sense? They can't, but I was not watching the production, I was working the lights, which is a really easy thing to do, so I only made one mistake that resulted in a scene being re-shot. I think I had my cues out of order. The lights go out (allowing for a murder to happen) and then I brought up the lights that must have been on another set. This was probably pretty funny, but I could not see it because the sets will filling up the whole studio and the computer and myself were parked behind a phony living room wall. These shows are pretty fun to work and if I were getting paid they would be really fun to work thanks to all the unnecessarily delays. I can't wait to get a job in the industry and get paid to sit around. I'm enthusiastic.

Less than two weeks till the big return to Hollywood. We are excited. You may be sad that their have not been any Cub Speaks shorts lately. Well she has written some, but I have not finished my portions of the reviews of these particular movies. I'm usually writing a bunch of things at once.

Escape from Blood Plantation on Marathon Video. I've had this tape for a while. The cover sure looks killer and it's got a sweet title, but I was worried it would not live up to those things and would be, you know, a lame action/adventure tale. Well, my fears were off-base and once again I can tell you that just because there has been no DVD reissue, that does not mean that the movie is forgettable. Actually, an internet search has discovered that a legitimate DVD of this might exist in Eastern Europe, but in the US, it's strictly used video where you can find Die Insel der blutigen Plantage, I mean Escape from Blood Plantation - but if you look below observe how the European DVD rips off Apocalypse Now.

The talented Udo Kier (Andy Warhol's Dracula) stars as the only good Nazi guard on an island (filmed in the Philippines) where the native girls have been enslaved. The native men are no good either, as they pal around with the Nazis and some may or may not have sex with the Nazi who thinks he is the Roman Emperor Tiberius.

The Nazis has lost their way, laments Bloody Olga, the lone female sadist on the island, who is also has the hots for Kier. Kier's plans to free his native girl friend are constantly foiled. He is forced to publicly give her 50 lashes to the delight of the head dictator's private guard of voyeuristic native midgets. The degradation does not end their - a few days later Olga forces Kier to have sex with her at gunpoint when she she interrupts him and his lady during their make-up sex. Yes, the girl has forgiven him for the whipping.

That's about the 1st two thirds of the movie right there, minus twenty or thirty offensive episodes that you should discover for yourself. I don't like to give too much away. At times the movie goes for epic moments (you should hear the score) but for the most part this is a cheaply made movie with a small cast and a lot of extras. The draw is the movie's cruel sleaziness (torture and humiliation) combined with inappropriate vulgar comedy, not the pitifully low-budget final action sequence. Hands down, more tasteless than movies that can be made today.


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