Saturday, January 01, 2005

the year in shit

All across American we've got the best of this and that, 2004. Well fuck that.

There is not much best to talk about for horror, unless we are talking 'best 70's movies discovered by Warren in 2004'. Worse than the new films would be the people's taste. I swear, all you horror fans have the same 1000 Corpses dvds on your shelf, the same ill-fitting Slipknot shirt on your pear shaped bodies, and the same Suicide Girls on your computer screen. People still look like shit in the USA. Despite the male celebs wearing clothes that fit, it's impossible to get anything that's not oversized in any of the affordable stores. I don't live in the middle of Wyoming! Seriously, after a couple of years of retail in fashionable Hollywood stores, I've discovered what's up. It the older males who are reluctant to buy anything other than a dumpy XL t-shirt or hoodie, and they've got more money to spend than the better dressed young set.

Fangoria editor Tony Timpone, possibly the mouthpiece of million horror nerds, slammed the summer movies we all hated, but his critique was was weaker than the films. The determinating factor as to whether a horror film is wicked sick or corny bullshit would be the gore and the shocks. Exorcist: The Beginning = a kid getting ripped apart by wolves = "You want the whore, don't you? You wanna stick your big round cock up her juicy ass?" = must see movie of the summer. I can't remember what Timpone said, but I read his short piece twice, and it struck me as a bunch of wimpy shit both times. Rock legends Anal Cunt wrote a song called 'Punching Joe Bonni's Face In' about the Pit Report writer and editor of the same name. When asked in an interview about the story behind said song, Seth Putnam said something to the extent of how he just couldn't stand the guy's writing. How about 'Punching Tony Timpone's Face In'? Let's have that one.

this is the year in shit - nothing really new sucked this year, it just the things from the past through years that sucked and for some reason did not go away this year...

18-19 year old kids with full sleeves, tattoos on the neck, chest pieces, etc.. Ok, so your favorite bands are covered in tattoos, well it took them 15 years to get all of those, not 15 months. There tattoos have meanings, and can be tied to a lifetime of different times and places. Tastes change and fashion changes over time, and some stuff is dated or out of style. If I had gotten all the tattoos I'd wanted when I was eighteen, oh my God, my life would be a living hell right now. Look at the sellouts with their straight edge tattoos. Look at the massive tribal designs on some of your older friends. Learn from the mistakes of others. Most people regret some of their tattoos, but to hate all of them would surely launch severe depression. Getting too much ink at one time, especially in one style or with one theme that seems so important right now, is very risky, and very stupid.

"In our minds and in our hearts, we feel that hardcore music should stay out of big business and stay in the streets where it belongs. " That quote is from the late Raybeez of Warzone and I'm sure we all agree with the sentiment. With that in mind...

I heard a rumor today a work, and all rumors are true, that Equal Vision Records bought one of their new bands a house. I'm happy for the kids in the band and all, own a house and you're set for life, but this just shows what kind of money these labels have, especially when they sell off their talent to the majors. This label was allegedly first run by Krishna devotees, at least according to an article I read. I'm talking about monks here! Yeah it changed owners years ago, but would have thought?

The scene and the top 40...

Everyone is making the the big jump to post punk, from the now flailing pop punk and rap metal scenes. Look for all your favorite jackasses to all of the sudden become 'mature'. That's the right word too. Indie Rock is the new adult contemporary, though no doubt the teeny boppers dig it too. We are looking at a whole new paradigm here, like when the Seattle Sound replaced arena rock and glam metal. Remember what happened. Fake 'grunge' (I hate that word) bands popped up, Collective Soul, Days of the New, Staind. That's not all, somehow the raw music of idealistic Nirvana paved the way for brainless outbursts from Korn and their angry friends. What horrors await us now that Indie Rock is the new mainstream (aka the O.C. soundtrack)?? Expect the results to be even worse than the first of the new batch of rip-off rockers, Jet.

Speaking of music, I've been getting a lot of it for free lately, and that reminds me of a point I often make, about how spoiled rotten I we are today. I can't speak for everybody, if you are reading this crap and live in East Moonshine, you maybe have to pay full price for cds at your local Wall Mart. Then again, you've got the internet, you've got ebay where you can save money and the resources with search engines to find even the most obscure hardcore test pressing out there. You don't have to ride your donkey down to the rail yard and hop six trains to get to the city where the punk rock shops are. Horror movies? Who cares what dvds Ma and Pa's Christian Video Depot on main street stocks? Every fucking movie in the world is a click away at Netflicks. I don't even have Netflicks, because I own every fucking movie in the world. How did I pull that off making retail wages? Cause tapes are cheaper than ever. Some of the older videos I've got for two bucks a pop have stickers affixed to them were probably put there when I was a child. $59.99? $99.99? (check out the adds for tapes tapes in old issues of Fangoria and Gorezone) When vhs was new, movies cost that much, the ten dollar tape was a late 90's phenomenon. I feel sorry for the people who were around back in the early 80's. Today some dvds will run you over twenty dollars, but that's with an obscene amount of bonus footage, ten hours of extras, not something you could even dream of in the 80's.

Free cds, yes I work at a record store, I get promos of all the hip new bands. This week I got a grab bag with the new Blood Brothers, Depeche Mode, Moving Units, Franz Ferdinand, and the Muse. I also got to take five discs out of the promo bin at work. Then we've got the holiday bonus program, three cds from the store stock. I got my pick of anything, so it was UK punk, 999, the new Partisans, and Sham 69. I also earn store credit for exceptional service. I won big as December's employee of the month!

Last night my friend gave me nine hardcore cds from a huge box he was going to throw away. Some of my favorite shit, Sheer Terror, Unity, 'Only The Strong' comp. Why was he going to toss these? He gets too many free cds as well. If you are keeping a tally, that's twenty two cds this week, and some of these rewards happen every week. Add to that my supervisor burning copies of Gwar and Life of Agony albums for me, just cause he is nice, and you see that I'm clearly, spoiled rotten.

Oh, but don't get the wrong idea, I'm not sleeping on a mattress stuffed with money. Each job I've taken this year was a decrease in pay. If you count temp work, it's dropped four times. There was an out of work period too, a very bitter period. None of my friends are doing well for themselves, girlfriend excluded. My male friends are all pretty bright, yet are stuck in their ruts, not working, or working hip jobs that would rule if the pay wasn't bottom of the barrel. So who is a success? Even smarter people? I don't think so, intelligence and creativity can be a curse. It's not as painful for dumb people to become corporate monkeys as it is for someone's who's brain is highly active. That's what I think, clearly I'm biased, and it's often stupid people who call others 'stupid'. Anyway, I'm changing the game for 2005 and with my new semisecret plans I'm going to be seeing many more people and trends to report on. I live in the O.C. now and it's just getting bigger and bigger and more happening. After all, we are sold out of that show's Season 1 box set at work once again.

5 things I would buy if I had more money...

1. An engagement ring for Cub (Canadian diamonds)

2. full sleeves

3. start a clothing company - I got ripped-again, another idea stolen from inside my brain. I wanted to make Kill Em' All, Let God Sort Em' Out shirts with the Kool Aid guy on it instead of a the skull in a beret. Saw a Paul Frank version of this with the monkey on it on a customer today. Not sure what it said, something not funny I'm sure.

4. an I-Pod

5. Netflicks - It's not that expensive, but I don't want another monthly bill.

Let's hope I've got all those things by the end of 2005 and though I'll surely have to make a complaint list a year from now, let's hope it at least has completely different things on it.

One more note (I wrote this over a period of several days) - Critics did not like the new Phantom of the Opera movie. Big surprise, they prefer amateur movies. It's like how music critics prefer Modest Mouse to Meat Loaf. Film critics prefer Garden State to Phantom. Come on, sometimes bigger is just way fuckin better.


Chas. Balun - horror artist and Deep Red Magazine founder

HAIKU_ASSAULT - my brother's new blog, very funny


Blogger Patrick said...

Did you see Saw? It was better than I expected.. I thought they were going to really drop the ball and have it become a typical american 'thriller' and it almost did.. but I was impressed that it avoided a lot of pitfalls.

It was the first movie by the guy who wrote and directed it.. his next will probably be some sarah michele gellar piece of shit.. but hey at least there was a slightly decent movie that was at the theater this year..

I was thinking about going on the Primate freedom tour again for a bit.. it was probably the worst idea I had in a long time right? Thankfull they saved me the trouble and cancelled it. They say it is because 'an opportunity they could not pass up' came along.. but I say it's because Animal rights is dead in the US.

In Boston it's all old people.

I avoid music as much as I can- but speaking of idiots and buying records.. my friend is in this shitty generic hardcore band from the new bedford area- they churn this shit out down there.. straight edge hardcore written by little kids.. the whole bridge nine scene.

This band hasn't even put shit out- will probably break up when they get back from their 2 week tour- and their 'test press' of a 7" sold on ebay for 75 fucking dollars!

Hardcore kids have replaced ravers as the spoiled rich kids with too much money to spend on worthless shit.

7:29 PM  

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