Monday, May 09, 2005

House of Wax (2005)

It's not Cabin Fever, but it's probably as good as Wrong Turn, a movie in the tradition of The Hills Have Eyes. No little kids making drawings, no ghosts, no big plot twists, thank God. It's aimed at teens, but without looking obvious like Cursed did a couple of months ago. I know I'm not supposed to review these new movies here, but I was very surprised by this one. It's got little resemblance to the Vincent Price original expect for a character being named "Vincent" in tribute. Lots of gore and not a lot of Paris Hilton, who degrades herself in this movie with a scene referencing her sex tape.

I bet this movie turns out to be better than Devil's Rejects. O.M.G., I did say that.

Sin City, I saw that one this week as well. Even though I don't like computer generated movies, I will admit that I enjoyed watching this film. What I don't get is how some people, like, are giving this movie ten out of ten stars, putting it on the level with Kill Bill and The Godfather. I attribute some of this hysteria to the nerd factor. While I am a horror nerd who will buy a stack of empty Lighting Video boxes just to put in my stash and I own three copies of the same Media poster for Sleepaway Camp, I am by no means a comic nerd. I think what gets comic nerds off is saving the girl or getting revenge on whomever it is preying on the innocent, especially attractive girls. The more twisted the killer, the better, and in Sin City we have the ultimate example (spoiler) when the pedophile Yellow Bastard gets his penis ripped off by Bruce Willis. While I do want justice for scum bags in the real world and do believe that revenge is an attractive element in the film world, this scenario reminds me of fantasies I had as an adolescent before I'd ever had a girl friend. A bunch of hoods, with rape on their minds would approach the cute girl from my French class on the train. I'd pop out, like Casey Jones from Ninja Turtles and decapitate them all. A pathetic little fantasy? Absolutely. I still day dream, but getting a girlfriend is no longer a figment of my imagination. With that said, here is the Cub Speaks on House of Wax.

Cub, why did you want to call Child Services when you saw some theater goers coming up the aisle steps?

Those parents were shitty and do not deserve to have children. There needs to be some mastermind our there who can sterilize those ignorant fools so that they stop making littles that they can not even take care of. Who brings a two year old to see a violent horror movie, and even worse the idiotic mom does not even have the decency to step out of the theater when the child is bawling for more than half the movie. Sorry cub, I can talk about this for ever but it gets me worked up so I will stop.

One day Cub, I'm going to by you a house. You know I plan to instal a wax Chamber of Horrors in the basement. Is this cool with you?

Oh no horror chamber in the basement ;)

Next: Coachella pix, pt 2, I begin to talk shit...


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