Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Pizza Man (????) Obscure slasher from the way underground!

First: In the last month I wrote an essay about how 70's exploitation movies were nastier than the movies of today and then an essay about how the movies of today are nastier than even the sickest 70's exploitation film. Is this proof that my blog is endless rant of nonsensical bullshit? What is the truth?

The truth is that horror movies today are less shocking than in the past, but mainstream blockbusters can get away with the graphic murder and deliver crazy lifelike slaughter that slips past the rating board because these movies have better reputations, big names attached to them, and are generally considered to have more noble intentions than just pleasing the teenage gore-seeking audience.

Next: The webmaster from slasherama.com told me to check out his
gore gallery for stills from The Prowler, Maniac, and Cannibal Ferox, etc...

Now - Pizza Man reviewed:

Finding out about this movie on the internet was really tough, mainly because there is no info about it on the DVD case (it's a bonus movie on the 3 Sickxty disc - a movie that is obscure enough on its own) and because there is no imdb page on the movie. The websites on the DVD case are gone and 3 Sickxty does not have an imdb page either. I took some notes off of the movies closing credits and those got me somewhere. Website, thepizzamanmovie.net is dead, but the internet wayback machine delivered some remnants of it from 2001 and 2002, which gave me some idea as to when the movie may have been released. Also, I now had the directors names, Greg Carter and Byron T., and could now do better searches.


year unknown

Pizza Man can be watched at a service called CinemaNow, for a paid $2.99 download - I took a look around this site and they offer Hollywood features alongside Polonia Brothers movies and consumer camcorder fair like Pizza Man - interesting. It says the length is 1 hr and 33 minutes, but that is a lie, the movie is about 45 minutes long, but I still consider it a real movie. This site shows me a more accurate Pizza Man graphic since the picture on the back of my DVD shows a Domino's delivery guy in a store bought Michael Myers mask and that's not what he looks like. On screen, Pizza Man is a big long-haired white guy in trucker hat with a circular saw blade at the end of a stick. That's like a pizza wheel, get it. The 3 posted reviews on CinemaNow are negative. Here is one:

Poorly thought out story that is totally hokey throughout...bad acting, cordless phones that work when the electricity is out...99% of the script is pointless babbling about mother f- this, mother f- that. Whoever wrote this movie is in serious need of some basic lessons. The story is centered around a group of annoying thugs who are busy getting high...crazy pizza man comes and kills everyone. Pretty simple...very boring. Characters who see dead bodies act like nothing's wrong and make jokes...it was completely laughable. Avoid at all costs if you ask me...The film IS only 45 mins long...despite what the page says.

Pizza Man is yet another movie that I find inspirational as a film student, sorry if I keep gushing over these movies when I know the readers want to read negative reviews. I'll keep give you clippings of other people's trash talk, ok?

I don't know if I can recommend the download to the casual fan, but maybe for those looking for strange horror with unanswered questions. Why is one of the characters only shown in scenes where he is vomiting in the upstairs bathroom? Why do we get his death, the death of a man jerking off, and the death of a very fat man on the shitter? Is the Pizza Man punishing those who release bodily fluids? Also note, a man is mocked early on in the film for climaxing too soon during sex.

Is the Pizza Man the one who stole the kidneys from the man who wakes up in a bathtub full of ice? Yes, this movies discusses urban legends quite a bit, as well as discussing drug dealing. I did not see the characters dealing with death as lightly as the reviewer above claims he did. There is humor, for example, one man cannot help but refer to women as "bitches" or "ho's" even when he should no better because he is trying to get some action. Also, the overweight gangster who plays video games mostly, takes a whole pizza for himself, even though there are only two for the whole party.

What motivated the Pizza Man? It is suggested that not paying him because he showed up late was what set him off, but how does that explain his other victims? I may have missed something.

I have a couple of criticisms, like I did not go for the whole cocaine dealing subplot (there is a HUGE stolen bag of coke) and would have preferred more subplots centered around going out to the club or recording rap records (it's "urban horror" which means rap music and a mostly black cast) or stand up comedy or something like that as one of the characters is a performer. Also, the movie would be a rough download because even on DVD, on a full television, it is tough to watch because of the darkness and I think it would suffer even more on a flat screen monitor. If you can find this movie in a store, it's probably only as the bonus to 3 Sickxty which I'm not gonna watch, so I can't tell you if it's worth it to throw down for a full price disc. If Pizza Man were really 1 hr and 33 minutes long, or longer, I'd say buy it for sure, to make it part of your DVD library.

Byron T., there is little know about, but Greg Carter is taking off with lots of talk about him on the imdb. His next movie, in pre-production, The Black Man's Guide to Understanding Black Women, is not exclusively for genre fans. Not sure that he made any other horror movies, but he definitely made some shot on video films about gang bangers and crime. Anyhow, one of these days, someone else will shoot a slasher movie about a pizza man gone crazy and it will show up on the new release wall at your local Blockbuster. You and me will know though, that these guys put one out first! Kind of like Mr. Ice Cream Man (1991) and then that shitty Ice Cream Man (1995) with Clint Howard.

1 Comments:

Blogger John said...

I have never seen The Ice Cream man with Clint Howard.I do see it in rental stores all the time,But I know its going to be shitty so I stay clear.Even when it was on cable, I had to change the channel.

As for the Pizza Man,Im all up for occasional weird movies with unanswered questions,but nah...

Last night I didin't tip the Pizza guy.Forgot they didin't carry change for big bills.

5:41 PM  

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