Thursday, June 16, 2005

20 more reasons to hate us

...horror confessions

I got this idea from the bloody-disgusting message board. People were listing truths about themselves and their relationship with horror. Truths that they would ordinarily be embarrassed to reveal. It's time to come clean and admit that there are one or two ways in that I am not cool, or perhaps just not the horror expert that I profess to be. I've already done this in a way, with some self-deprecating essays about what a bonehead I was when I first got into to horror (
pt 1, pt 2), but now I will list some facts that show where I go against the grain established by other educated horror fans, or, show that I'm not the sharpest stick on the tree.

1. When watching Make Them Die Slowly, I actually tried to count the acts of violence in the movie to see if they added up to the number listed on the cover of the box.

2. There was a time when I'd seen more Steven Segal movies than horror movies.

3. When I heard the urban legends about the Blair Witch that were circulating before the films release, I totally believed every word and told tons of people about the crazy tape that was out there. Unfortunately, I read an article in Rolling Stone before seeing the movie in the theater and knew that the whole project was fabricated. I was underwhelmed by the actual movie.

4. I think Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 is awesome and does a great job of following up a movie that you'd think it would be impossible to make a sequel too.

5. I liked all the Scream movies, especially, Scream 2.

6. 28 Days Later revitalized the zombie genre. Without it we'd have no Shaun of the Dead or Land of the Dead. Critics and horror fans a like celebrated this movie, while I thought it was total shit, an inferior Day of the Dead shot on digital video.

7. House of 1000 Corpses, a movie for 70's horror fans, made by 70's horror fan Rob Zombie. It was exactly what the horror community wanted and there was much rejoicing. I didn't like it. I could not got over the embarrassing dialogue that I felt was written to be used as samples on the soundtrack cd, in the style of Resevoir Dogs.

8. I don't read comic books or play that many video games. When I here purists complaining about the screen adaptations not being faithful to the original products, I think, "what a bunch of total fucking tools", though I am guilty of the same types of concerns when it comes to horror remakes and the new Star Wars movies.

9. Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing stared together in many British films. For about a year I did not know which actor was which.

10. I have never watched a Universal horror film other than The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Well, I saw King Kong when I was little.

11. I don't like the Mystery Science Theater crowd. I think the fans have been brainwashed into thinking some pretty cool movies are crap.

12. Hobgoblins is on my 'to see' list. I can't possibly imagine how it could be bad.

13. I think that the version of Nosferatu with the Type O Negative soundtrack is pretty awesome.

14. I can't stand most of the product released by Troma.

15. I will never watch Men Behind the Sun because of a graphic scene of animal cruelty that I heard about.

16. I saw Army of Darkness before I even knew what Evil Dead was.

17. A few years ago bought a bunch of chunks of foam rubber. I used a scalpel to carve a one foot mushroom that was my tribute to Galwyn in Troll.

18. I love the 1990 Night of the Living Dead remake.

19. At the Fangoria convention, I'd rather die than hold hands with a fat goth chick carrying a Night of the Living Dead lunchbox.

20. I don't jerk off to suicidegirls.com!

Yeah it's all true, I hope that list does not make me lose all my readers. Thanks to
The Mystery of the Haunted Vampire for the recent link.

5 Comments:

Blogger Patrick said...

I'm gone.

But before I leave-- your title reminded me of a funny story.

My friend Dave(Love Power Experiment) who lives in Quincy, recently gave Seth Putnam a ride to his home for cripples. As you may or may not know, back in the winter her ODed and was in a coma for months. Now he walks with a walker.

Talk about irony.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Carnacki said...

1. I'm never good at that sort of thing. I usually get so immersed in a movie I miss the boom mikes, the tire tracks, the planes in historical settings, etc.
2. ::Gasp::
3. I really enjoyed the Blair Witch probably because I live near Burkittsville.
4. I've never seen it all the way through. I kept getting interrupted by the kids.
5. Scream movies were great.
6. 28 Days Later's was pretty cool imo.
7. I still haven't seen that yet. I really want to. It's hard when you want to go to one movie and you end up taking the kids to see Madagascar or something similar instead.
8. haha. I'm the same way.
9. Those guys rock in the Hammer films.
10. Love the old universals. Bought the legacy collection.
11. When it was Joel, I think it really came through that the people loved the movies even as they ripped on them. With Mike, the humor became more ironic and hip and mocking and I think the show lost a lot.
12. Not seen it.
13. Sounds cool. but not seen it.
14. I mostly agree.
15. Not seen it.
16. Shhh! some things you shouldn't admit ;^)
17. I have a very realistic human skull replica, but I have to hide it because it scares the kids.
18. It's pretty good.
19. Fangoria convention sounded fun.
20. ...

10:16 PM  
Blogger Ghone said...

Shaun of Thr Dead rocks!!!

1:05 PM  
Blogger GSB said...

wow, nice blog... for real.... i had no idea there were so many good horror blogs out there...

we do a lot of movie reviews, some of which are slasher and horror flicks on my site Crown Dozen ( http://crowndozen.com ), maybe you could link us up on your sidebar? That would be rad...

11:00 PM  
Blogger toyrobott said...

so when did you become a horror nerd?

9:50 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home